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We could live happily ever after and be quite content with ourselves. We are healthy, we have family and friends, a roof over our heads, a stable income. We can do something, someone or something fills life with meaning. So why does the grass across the street seem greener? And why are we so unhappy with ourselves?
“If you can’t change the situation, change your attitude towards it” is easier said than done. Positive psychology researchers have identified ten reasons why many of us don’t feel happy when we could.
1. High expectations
Unfounded hopes and high expectations serve a disservice: if something does not go according to plan, we get upset. For example, we dream of a spiritual holiday with our family, but we get an evening that is far from ideal. One of the relatives is out of sorts, and the situation becomes tense.
2. Feeling special
Healthy confidence is good. However, the one who considers himself exceptional is most often disappointed later: others do not recognize his uniqueness and treat him like everyone else.
3. False values
The problem is that we take them as true, the only correct ones. Being obsessed with money and one day realizing that money isn’t everything is a blow that not everyone can take.
4. Strive for more
We quickly get used to what we have achieved and want more. On the one hand, it encourages constantly striving forward and setting new goals. On the other hand, we forget to rejoice at what has been achieved, which means we lose self-confidence.
5. Hopes placed in others
We tend to wait to be “happy,” shifting the responsibility for happiness to a partner, family, or friends. Thus, we not only make ourselves dependent on others, but we also risk being disappointed when it turns out that they have other priorities.
6. Fear of disappointment
The fear of falling prevents you from moving forward, the fear of failure does not allow you to strive for happiness, whether it is the search for the right partner or a dream job. Of course, he who risks nothing cannot lose anything, but by doing so we exclude in advance any chance of winning.
7. Wrong environment
Many of us communicate mainly with pessimists and, over time, begin to enjoy the good news less and less. When the environment looks at the world through dark glasses and releases critical remarks on any occasion, a positive outlook on things is not easy.
8. False expectations
Some people think that happiness and satisfaction is a natural state in which you can stay for as long as you like. This is not true. Happiness is fleeting. Taking it for granted, we stop appreciating it.
9. Belief that life consists of “bands”
Some people believe that good is always followed by bad. Behind the white — black, behind the sun — a shadow, behind laughter — tears. Having received an unexpected gift of fate, they begin to anxiously wait for a series of failures, which means they cannot enjoy their happiness. This reduces the quality of life.
10. Neglecting your success
Often we do not appreciate our achievements, we dismiss them: “Yes, nothing, just lucky. It’s pure coincidence.» Attributing successes to external factors, we thereby diminish our abilities.
If we value our own work, remember what we have already achieved and what we have coped with, this helps us to meet new challenges more calmly. There will be many of them, but they are not a reason to be dissatisfied.
Source: Zeit.de