“Is what is happening between us – true love or a fleeting infatuation?” – this question is asked by many lovers at the beginning of a romantic relationship. For those who are seriously concerned about uncertainty, psychologist Susan Degges-White suggests analyzing their feelings by honestly answering a few questions.
Probably each of us has experienced such an instant attraction to another person, which is like a “click”, “love chemistry”. After a couple of months, this fateful love at first sight disappears without a trace.
But it happens that relations develop according to a different scenario. It all starts as a light, optional flirtation that suddenly transforms into a serious long-term romance or a long family history. In a word, at the moment of the birth of a relationship, it is not so easy to understand what they will turn into: true love or a short flash of passion.
Experiencing a strong sexual attraction, one wants to believe that this is a real feeling. But only true love can make us better. 10 questions to ask yourself if you really want to understand: can these experiences be called true love that will lead to personal growth? Or is it just a crazy hobby that will make you feel alive, but will burst like a soap bubble when the passions subside?
Litmus test of love
- Are you and your partner equally deeply involved in this relationship? Can you say that your intentions regarding the development of this novel are the same?
- Are you firmly convinced that you are interested in your partner no less than he is interested in you?
- Does this relationship encourage you to show your best qualities and treat yourself with the same warmth and tenderness with which you treat your partner?
- Does your partner understand you well? Does he encourage you to be at your best? Does it minimize judgment and criticism of shortcomings?
- Do these relationships add energy, freedom, emancipation? Do you feel like there are more of you than before the relationship?
- Do relationships strengthen over time? Does trust and understanding deepen, even if circumstances require that you spend less time together than at first?
- Do you feel that as the relationship develops, you grow as a person, expand your horizons, feel stronger and more confident?
- Does this relationship inspire your couple to develop new contacts and connections with other people?
- When you’re alone for a while after days with your partner, do you feel drained or empowered?
- In this relationship, do you feel that life has everything you need? That only this one connection makes you happy and satisfied? Or do these relationships encourage you to discover the world, gain new experiences, interact with other people and develop as a person?
Feeling that you were pierced by “instant” love or “love at first sight” means that a new person has caused an instinctive reaction in you, some deep resonance. This sign can be perceived as a life-changing event. But in reality, this is not always the case. A solid, authentic feeling may start with a surge of instant attraction, but its energy doesn’t fade with time, it pulsates, going through ups and downs, ups and downs, like waves in the ocean, for a long, long time.
About the Developer
Susan Degges-White Counseling Psychologist, Professor of Psychology at Northern Illinois University, author of Toxic Friendships: Knowing the Rules and Dealing with the Friends Who Break Them.