Contents
- Mistake 1: dating in a devastated state
- Mistake 2: dreaming of a wild passion
- Mistake 3: Trying to Accept the Wrong Man
- Mistake 4: not knowing what kind of man is right for you
- Mistake 5: waiting for the prince on a white horse, sitting in an inaccessible tower
- Mistake 6: Seeing every man as a future husband
- Mistake 7: Build relationships without recognizing the main goal
- Mistake 8: get carried away ahead of time
- Mistake 9: Having the illusion that a man will change
- Mistake 10: Being faithful before engagement
Of course, there are more mistakes that can be made on the way to family life. But these ten are the most critical and, unfortunately, the most common. It is not necessary to do them all, but even a couple of them lead to the loss of precious time.
Is love an element? Maybe. But the creation of a family definitely needs to be approached wisely. Oksana Moskovtseva, author of The Love Project. A business plan for creating healthy relationships and a happy family ”and a marketing specialist, tells how to use business tools for personal purposes.
Mistake 1: dating in a devastated state
Strong, independent and active women often forget to track their energy levels and realize that they are overtired only when «the tanks are already at zero and the car has stopped.»
It is at this moment that men begin to curl around, not typical for this woman. And when there is little strength, the protective mechanisms and automatic filters that have been formed over the years weaken and do not perform their functions. As a result, those with whom she would not talk in ordinary life get into the field of communication. Hence the spread of resort novels.
Mistake 2: dreaming of a wild passion
A stormy romance can quickly boost self-esteem and improve well-being due to a surge in hormones. But its effect on the female soul is akin to energy: it gives a short-term rise, but takes away the last strength. And as a result, you can find yourself in a relationship with a man with whom you have nothing in common except bed. And here hormones play not in your favor.
Orgasm and simply physically pleasant intimacy contribute to the production of oxytocin, the hormone responsible for the formation of attachment. As a result, a lover is like a suitcase without a handle: it’s a pity to leave, and it’s hard to drag.
Mistake 3: Trying to Accept the Wrong Man
Usually follows from the previous one. When the veil of passion falls and all inconsistencies become clearly visible, not everyone is ready to admit that they made a mistake and spent their precious time on the wrong man. Many are trying to improve relationships, find pluses and adjust. In such a situation, you need to clearly understand: the longer you are in a relationship, the more difficult it is to get out of them.
Hormone-driven physical attachment and repetition-based habit work against you. The way out is to check how you fit together in terms of family life, and not just sex, and decide with a sober head whether you need to continue.
Mistake 4: not knowing what kind of man is right for you
With this question, many do not have clarity, but there are some stereotypical requirements and expectations, which in fact often do not suit specific people at all. There are no men who are ideal for any woman, because all women, like men, are different. You need a match of basic values, goals and plans for life, views on the family and the world order, compatibility of temperaments, biorhythms and sexual constitution.
In a couple, each other’s capabilities must satisfy each other’s needs. And in order to understand whether this is so, you need to clearly feel your own needs and capabilities, know your temperament and constitution, be aware of goals and values and be able to see and appreciate all this in a man.
Mistake 5: waiting for the prince on a white horse, sitting in an inaccessible tower
Only deeply religious women who believe that marriages are made in heaven can afford to rely on fate in the matter of meeting a future husband. But they are also guided by the biblical words: «Seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.» This means that in order to meet a future husband, you need to at least leave the house.
Where to go depends on what kind of man is right for you. After all, you need to catch fish where it is found. And different men meet in different places.
Mistake 6: Seeing every man as a future husband
When a man shows interest in you and wants to build a serious relationship, this does not mean that he is right for you. No need to agree, choose further. As in the opposite situation, when it seems to you that a man suits you perfectly, but he does not show interest in you, you do not need to go in cycles and try to win him over. Go ahead and meet someone who will be interested in you and who will suit you.
Instead of trying on the last name of every person you meet, it’s better to pass them through your dropout filter in order to cut off those who do not suit you at the first minutes and on the first dates.
Mistake 7: Build relationships without recognizing the main goal
«I do not want to get married. I want a loving long-term and trusting relationship «- a very fashionable mantra today for advanced and independent women. If this is true and you clearly understand what you want from the relationship, how your connection will be different from the family, and this picture of the future suits you and your partner, go ahead.
If you want a family, then you need to build relationships with a clear goal with someone who also wants a family and is ready for it. And do not pretend to be fashionable and modern, so that they do not suspect that you want to get married. Those who like just such women’s speeches are very fond of exploiting women’s vulnerability.
Mistake 8: get carried away ahead of time
If a man has passed all your filters, shows interest in you and talks about his readiness to create a family, this does not mean that he will propose to you. He, too, can look closely and decide whether you are suitable for him as a wife. And here the main thing is not to turn on the demonstration mode and not immediately start behaving like an exemplary wife.
What for? There hasn’t been an offer yet. Demonstrate your advantages in a form that is accessible through friendly communication and flirting. Do not consider a gentleman a groom until he has called you his bride. And don’t open your heart ahead of time, so that it doesn’t hurt if he suddenly chooses another.
Mistake 9: Having the illusion that a man will change
He will certainly change, but probably not at all in the way you expect. The priorities in his scale of values may shift slightly, because marriage, and even more so children, make their own adjustments, but the scale itself is unlikely to change much. Temperament, sexual constitution, and biorhythms will remain unchanged.
Automatic reactions also do not go away by themselves, and if a man does not work with them purposefully, then the habits formed before meeting you will remain with him for life. And if something will obviously annoy you during your life together, it is better to cut off such a man during the period of courtship.
Mistake 10: Being faithful before engagement
Often a girl, having received an invitation from one man, refuses to meet another, believing that she first needs to deal with one and only then get to know the other. This is fundamentally wrong if your interactions do not involve sex. Going through does not mean choosing, because with a consistent acquaintance, you actually have no choice at any given time — there is only one boyfriend.
Therefore, it is better for yourself to immediately decide at what point you will introduce exclusivity mode for a man, stop looking around and accepting invitations to dates. After the first sex? Or after meeting your parents? Or after an offer? And which of these will come first?
Remember that pledges of allegiance are made at the altar, not in bed, but societal norms still frown on female nomadism in male bedrooms.