10 mistakes in parenting: what not to do

Mistake #1: Manipulation

The threat to stop loving is the most terrible words that can cause him serious injury. To be loved is a basic human need. The kid should know that your feelings for him are unconditional, you completely accept him. Otherwise, you are accustoming him to the fact that love is not given just like that, it must be earned. Growing up, he continues to deserve this love from others, to try to please, to be good for everyone, this affects the choice of a future partner and relationships with him.

Ошибка №2: чрезмерная опека

Excessive control kills self-control, independence. Such children grow up into infantile adults, unable to make decisions, to refuse others.

Если у ребенка появилось желание что-то сделать, предоставьте ему такую возможность, но сначала научите его. Особенно важно не торопить трехлетних детей в разгар кризиса самостоятельности. Часто в спешке родителям проще самим одеть малыша, чем ждать, пока он «возится». Выход: будить его раньше, чтобы оставалось достаточно времени на сборы.

Mistake #3: Failing to understand that a child is a person

Often, parents do not see in a child an independent person with their own problems, character, understanding of life. But even the claim that children have less experience than adults is highly debatable. Children have their own experience, in some areas it is much more than adults.

Ошибка №4: гипоопека

In some families, children are left to themselves, deprived of attention and care, feel unloved and unwanted. Their relatives perform their duties purely mechanically, believing that they coped with their main task – to teach independence. But teaching independence is one thing, and letting education take its course is another. Parents ignore the problems of the child, often get annoyed. As a result, the child feels “bad”, “stupid”, guilty of family problems.

Mistake #5: Development at any cost

Often, out of good intentions, a child is forced to study through “I don’t want to”, repeating: “If you grow up, you will say thank you.” The possibilities of the child are really huge, and if you wish, you can teach him to read, speak a foreign language at a very early age. Question: why?

Strongly stimulating the intellectual development of the baby, we infringe on his emotional development. Overloading with circles and sections leads to emotional burnout. It happens that preschoolers are so “loaded” with studies that they do not feel the slightest desire to go to school. Often, parents go to extremes, trying to give their children what they once did not receive themselves. In an effort to realize their ambitions, they begin to consider the baby not as a separate person, but as a “business project” that should bring dividends.

Mistake #6: Endless Bans

At first, we say dozens of times a day: “You can’t!”, “Don’t touch this”, “Don’t get in here” – and then we are surprised that he becomes initiativeless and insecure, and we reproach him for it. A categorical ban without explanation only focuses attention on this and creates even more interest.

The child’s actions are dictated by the desire to explore the world around him, and if we do not allow him to take risks, make mistakes, fill bumps, he does not acquire the necessary experience. It is important to create a safe space for the child to experiment, to show that you respect his interests. Then, as an adult, he will not suffer from self-doubt and ignorance of his desires and needs.

Mistake #7: Corporal Punishment, Yelling, Ignoring

The child should perceive the father and mother as close friends who can be trusted with the innermost, and not be afraid of screams, lectures, and especially fists. Shouting and physical punishment is an act of impotence of parents. Reading notations is also useless: the child copies the lifestyle of his parents, he is brought up by the atmosphere in which he is. The biggest motivation is personal example.

Не разговаривать с ребенком — самое тяжелое с психологической точки зрения наказание, это своего рода психопатология и признак невротического поведения.

Mistake #8: Uncontrolled Gadget Use

It is hardly possible to completely forbid a modern child to use a smartphone, laptop, tablet, but we must control this process. It is often easier for parents to put a cartoon on a tablet for their baby so that it does not interfere with doing business. When children brought up on gadgets come to school, a third of them show a general underdevelopment of speech with intact intelligence. They do not know how to think in images, express thoughts in writing, build oral answers.

It is convenient for many when the child is “sitting at the computer”: formally, he is at home, and not in a dubious company, and there is no need to worry about his safety. But this is harmful not only for vision and posture, but also for mental development. Instead of communicating with peers in real life, the child disappears in virtual reality, his emotional connection with loved ones is broken. Often this is the path to gambling, drug addiction, alcoholism and other forms of addiction.

Mistake number 9: living for the sake of children

Нельзя упрекать детей за вклад, сделанный в их развитие. Сам факт существования ребенка — награда и компенсация за вложенные в него любовь, душу, время.

And then, what example and what kind of love can we give children if we do not love ourselves? Our inability to take care of ourselves, to treat ourselves with due attention, can be transferred to the child, forming many complexes from excessive demands.

Ошибка №10: отсутствие личного примера

The truth is extremely simple: unhappy parents cannot have happy children. If the mother and father are anxious, neurotic, the children will perceive their fears, neuroses, insecurities. It is useless to read notations about “what is good and what is bad”: the child’s psyche is formed under the influence of your communication, actions, and behavior. Do not try to raise a child, he will be like you anyway. Educate yourself.

Happy and mentally stable parents are the key to the future happiness of children.