Faced with a betrayal of a partner, people are often sure that they perfectly understand the reasons for what happened. But in our culture it is not customary to talk about it openly, and therefore it is not so easy to separate truth from fiction. This also explains the persistence of some stereotypes. Psychiatrist and relationship and marriage specialist Scott Haltzman debunks the 10 most common of them.
1. Most consciously looked for romance on the side. In fact, such relationships arise spontaneously and unforeseen – especially in cases where the cheating partner had a relationship on the side with only one person. Novels often begin with friendship, then emotional and spiritual intimacy appears, and friendship develops into a love relationship.
2. In most cases, people cheat on a regular partner with someone younger and more attractive. Let’s remember Arnold Schwarzenegger, who cheated on his wife with a housekeeper, who, according to many, was not a beauty. There are incorrigible womanizers who are looking for girls for themselves, but in most cases the partner “on the side” is no younger, richer or more beautiful than the permanent one.
3. Cheating is always a sentence for marriage. More than half of marriages are able to survive infidelity. Relationships may deteriorate in the future for other reasons, but many couples are surprised to realize that they can continue to live together after the betrayal of one of the partners.
4. The one who changed once will change again. Sometimes infidelity becomes chronic, but often an affair is the only exception. There are two options for the development of relations – the restoration of stability or the final collapse. If the cheater hopes to regain the trust of a long-term partner, he or she will have to always be honest in the future.
5. Romances on the side arise due to trouble in marriage. Problems exist in every marriage, without exception. Sometimes cheating is due to the fact that partners do not want to solve these problems together or do not know how to do it. But even if everything is really not going smoothly in marriage, this cannot serve as an excuse for infidelity.
6. Cheating just for sex. In many cases, the partner craves emotional intimacy, not physical intimacy. Sometimes the romance on the side remains platonic. And although emotional and spiritual rapprochement often leads to sexual relationships, initially a person was not necessarily looking for them.
7. Cheating is only physical. Again, many relationships on the side generally remain platonic. Can it be considered a betrayal if you secretly correspond with a former classmate or classmate until late at night, sharing with them the most intimate? It may not be cheating for you at all, but your partner is unlikely to agree with this. Even emotional intimacy with a new potential partner can be considered cheating to some extent.
8. The real reason for cheating is always relationship problems. It is a mistake to think that a partner is always looking for just sex, but it is equally wrong to think that he always craves only emotional and spiritual intimacy. Sometimes (though not in most cases), the cause of infidelity is sexual desire.
9. Most unfaithful spouses are unhappy in marriage. According to surveys, most of these spouses do not want a divorce. 56% of men and 34% of women who cheat on their wife or husband consider their marriage happy. Women are more likely to be unhappy in marriage than men.
10. After infidelity, marriage will never be happy. Almost no one tells friends, neighbors, and acquaintances about their partner’s infidelity, so you may not even suspect that a happy couple in the past had a chance to experience the infidelity of one of the partners. In many cases, spouses manage to successfully save the marriage, and some even believe that the experience has strengthened their relationship.
About the Developer
Scott Haltzman – psychiatrist, expert in the psychology of relationships and marriage. His .