10 frivolous tips on how to become a connoisseur of art

The average citizen is usually versed in art, frankly, not very well. During its long history, mankind has created so many different works of art that now try it, remember them!

And what is there, the works themselves – here they would manage to cram at least the names and surnames of the most famous artists (those that are “on hearing”) into their troubled little head.

No, well, for example, most of us still know the same Dali, and his paintings are quite easy to guess: everything is quite simple here – if what you see in front of you can be seen by a sane person only “under acid” (well, or “Under the squirrel”), then it’s probably him – old Dali. Long-legged strange elephants, burning giraffes, “semi-liquid” watches… Brrr…

Or here is Picasso – if the picture is clearly a man, but many parts of his body are not where they should be (or are absent altogether): one eye is on the chin, and the other is somewhere in the back of the head, the nose is under the ear, the hands are out of … Well obviously this is Comrade Pablo, no questions asked!

Some connoisseurs will immediately recognize, for example, Rubens – if all the characters depicted on the canvas are naked, “fat” and with cellulite (yes, all without exception, including men and small children, have huge asses), then this is Mr. Peter Paul, one of the founders of the Baroque style.

Well, how to distinguish all the rest, those whose works lack equally characteristic “signs”?

Here you go, here are a few “cheat sheets” that will help you remember a few more masters and, on occasion, “shine” your knowledge:

10 If all people are like Putin

If you look at the picture and understand that you see too “native and kind eyes” on it, perfectly familiar to all Russians (“Yes, this is Putin!”), Then you definitely have a work by Jan van Eyck. For some reason, all his characters (including women) are terribly similar to our president.

And it’s not for nothing that a huge number of memes on the topic of immortality and “omnipresence” of Vladimir Vladimirovich go around the Internet: van Eyck, for example, lived in the Netherlands in the first half of the XNUMXth century. And Putin was then called (judging by his portraits) Giovanni Arnolfini.

9. If the background is dark and the person is clearly suffering

Let’s go to the next room, gentlemen! Here we have several pictures in front of us, where, against a dark background, characters with blissful faces suffer unbearably and suffer (sometimes clutching at their hearts or other sore spots).

Hmm … Most likely, this is Titian. This master of the Late Renaissance loved to write biblical stories, and there, as you know, there is little joy.

In fact, he painted scenes from mythology, and portraits of nobles and their wives, as well as Venetian doges, etc. But even there, mainly, a gloomy atmosphere and stern faces were obtained (and for women too).

8. If there are many, many small people in the picture

Well, if you see many, many people in the picture (of course, they come out very small), and it immediately becomes intuitively clear to you what they are doing, then this is clearly one of Brueghels.

“One of?…” – you ask in surprise. Surprise! Imagine, there were three Brueghels: Peter the Elder, Jan and Peter the Younger. Of course, they were all relatives (more precisely, Peter Senior was the father of Peter Junior and Jan), and therefore their style was very similar.

True, dad most of all liked to paint everyday scenes from peasant life, his namesake son – pictures about the Last Judgment (for which he received the nickname “Hellish”), and Jan – beautiful landscapes, still lifes and flowers (and for this he was nicknamed “Paradise “).

7. There are not only a lot of people in the picture, but something strange is happening.

A similar case – there are again a lot of people on the canvas, but, firstly, they are strangely dressed (and many are even without clothes at all), secondly, the people themselves, and everything around is very bright, and thirdly, it is incomprehensible, what is actually going on here.

Among the people here and there, some ridiculous monsters with huge mouths, huge fish with legs, birds in human height and a lot of other incomprehensible garbage flicker.

Someone is eating someone, another is riding naked on a pig nearby, and the third is “hanging out” with mermaids (while two more are hatching from a giant egg) …

In short, full of surprises and chaos – here in some places Dali himself would have given a standing ovation. Congratulations, now you definitely recognize Bosch! Hmm… Old Jerome was a real entertainer!

6. In the picture, a tramp in the dim light

We move on. Again, a dark background, dim yellowish lighting, but people do not look like martyrs and inquisitors, but, hmm … like vagabonds with drunken faces.

With a high degree of probability, we have before us paintings by Rembrandt. For some reason, no matter who he painted (even if they were aristocrats in rich clothes), everyone turned out not very attractive and somehow “worn” and “beaten by life”: wrinkled or wrinkled faces, very realistic bags under the eyes, etc. P. Tellingly, the artist’s self-portraits are exactly the same – “true to life.”

5. In the picture naked “bodybuilders”

Here is a completely different style and downright opposite characters – almost all men are naked and muscular, like champions in strength disciplines, the relief of the bodies is anatomically correct, each muscle is carefully drawn.

However, women (although they are “more dressed”) are also from the breed of “stop a galloping horse, enter a burning hut.” Yes, there are women! Here and in infants, the biceps are such that our modern bodybuilders can only sob offendedly on the sidelines.

Beauty, isn’t it? This is Michelangelo Buonarroti, the master of the High Renaissance. In fact, he was more of a sculptor than an artist (and it shows). Just in case: the famous David is just his work.

4. Everything is contrasting, people are thin and bearded

And again, a gloomy background (but this time with a bluish tint), the picture is harsh, contrasting, and all the men depicted are thin, bearded and very serious. Oh yes! Most of them are also in dark clothes.

Women, thank God, do not have a beard, but they are somehow “undernourished” and look sternly and reproachfully. The plots, most often, are biblical – we see many praying (raising their eyes to heaven) and tormented characters, including several times – the sad Christ.

Know that before us are the paintings of a Spaniard with Greek roots, nicknamed El Greco.

3. The picture shows a fantasy landscape and a curly Madonna

If the canvas depicts a slightly smiling (and slightly curly) Madonna with a baby, which actually pulls in weight and height for at least a three-year-old, and somewhere in the background, you can see a beautiful landscape in the style of “The Lord of the Rings” – a picturesque dense forest or mountains in a blue misty haze, then (almost certainly) this is Leonardo da Vinci.

And by the way, in the picture, in this case, there may be a beautifully built young man, or even an archangel, but the fantasy landscape will still remain. Hmm … About the one who wrote the “La Gioconda” does not need to be reminded?

2. The picture has a colorful background and bright colors.

Well, now let’s move on to the Impressionists. They all have something in common: a motley background, bright (often very sunny) colors, and at the same time everything is drawn in large, quick strokes. And now the differences.

Claude Monet: a lot of flowers, a lot of trees, a lot of nature in general, but almost no people.

Edouard Manet: also a lot of nature, but also a lot of people. Hmm … True, many of them are somehow very sad and gloomy.

Auguste Renoir: Lots of greenery and flowers, lots of people, most of them contented and happy.

Vincent van Gogh: especially a lot of yellow, blue and green.

Edgar Degas: ballerinas, dancers, ballerinas again, harlequin …

1. Everything is gold, but people have something with necks

Finally, if you see a “patchwork” background in the painting (consisting of many small and colorful triangles, rectangles, spirals and other shapes), as well as a lot of yellow and gold, then this is most likely Gustav Klimt.

Take a closer look, are there also people in strange poses and with uncomfortably arched necks? Then definitely Klimt!

But do not confuse him with Alfons Mucha, a colleague from the same Austria-Hungary. Mukha also often has a golden background, but his characters are mostly very beautiful girls, surrounded by beautiful flowers and plants, dressed in dresses similar to antique tunics, and (very often) placed in peculiar vignettes from a floral ornament.

Well, now it will be much easier for you to “identify” at least some of the great painters!

A note for professional art historians and connoisseurs: for God’s sake, do not consider our tips tactless, disrespectful, rude or even vulgar. Treat them with ease and humor. After all, not every ordinary person will be able to wade through the jungle of special terms (and, to be completely honest, it’s incredibly boring).

And so at least something will be remembered with benefit (perhaps even for a lifetime).