10 first trials in marriage

1. The first epic fight

Real, with a capital letter — with slamming doors, screaming and forks flying into the sink. But it’s not all about the fact that your fairy tale has ended and everyday life has come. This is how stress comes out of the fact that you are just getting used to a new status and life together.

How to cope? You have quarreled before, but this quarrel seems different to you, more charged, or something. Don’t be scared. Let’s call it a «training brawl». Trial. You are doing a good job now — learning how to quarrel productively and correctly.

Don’t jump into the car to see if he’ll run after you. Do not start the second round and finish off the “opponent” so that he hangs helplessly on the ropes of the ring.

The old truth is this: people don’t remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel. Go to different corners, catch your breath, then tell your partner that you love him, hate to quarrel and you are sincerely sorry that you offended him.

2. First meeting with friends as an official couple

Why is it important? You can be the first among your girlfriends who broke with free life, and they will still call you to night parties. Or a childhood friend will suddenly become jealous that she has lost your attention. Single friends may wonder why their buddy can’t decide for himself where to go on a Friday night. In any case, your friendship will now be a little different.

How to cope? Don’t stop telling your girlfriends how happy you are. You have been the center of attention for a very long time, now it’s time to be a good listener. Do not tell your 30-year-old girlfriend that her time will come and she will also meet her happiness. Don’t turn down an invitation to go shopping or just chat, even if you’d rather go home to your loved one. Your girlfriends now need to know that you still love them and nothing threatens your close circle.

3. First major joint purchase

It doesn’t matter if it’s buying a car, a new house, or a new computer. You will see that you have a different attitude towards finances. Your partner may be more meticulous and picky about details, and you may act broadly on impulse. Also, you both need to be one hundred percent aware of each other’s financial situation if you really want to make an expensive purchase.

How to cope? Time to learn the compromises, choose the best option for your budget and work together on the first joint project. It may sound boring, but painting the walls, choosing wallpaper or buying a kitchen is a real treat! You are building a house for the two of you. And besides, this is a chance to show each other that you are good in this new capacity.

4. First meeting with his relatives

In an ideal world, the mother-in-law wipes away a tear of tenderness, looking at your couple. In the real world, she will still roll her eyes, let comments go, or just cry quietly while hugging her beloved son.

How to cope? Your husband is accustomed to all the «highlights» of each of his family members: to the grumbling of his father, and to the sloppiness of his sister, and to his mother’s way of criticizing everything around. And he wants you to take them calmly. If you immediately go on the defensive or react to their every word, he is more likely to be upset that you are so sensitive and do not respect his family.

Do not avoid family dinners and common holidays. Don’t get into a fight: on the contrary, tell your husband that you want to be a member of their family and that you need support in this. Ask him what topics of conversation would be of interest to his family, what are their hobbies and preferences. When they call him, ask if you can say hello to them or talk to them for a minute or two. They can continue to communicate in their style, but the husband will be grateful that you are trying.

5. The first question is “And when are the kids?”

It all depends on who is asking. If it’s your best friend who recently gave birth to an adorable baby herself, that’s one thing. If this is your old aunt, you will have to put up with it, it is inevitable. But there will be many more. Many young couples tense up when they hear this question from their acquaintances.

How to cope? Don’t make a problem out of this, even if something in this matter affects you personally. Do not tell how you feel about children who are born prematurely. Do not think that this is a hint of your age. Consider this question as wishing both of you a happy married life and the assurance that you will be good parents. Just say: “We are not quite there yet, but we will definitely let you know!”

6. First party as hostess

This is one of those fantasies that every girl has before marriage: together with her husband, she receives guests at a beautifully decorated table, everyone happily communicates and laughs until the morning. It will be so, but it requires certain culinary skills and organizational talent.

How to cope? Just have fun together! Don’t ruin the charm of a friendly party with your worries that you won’t be able to make a cheesecake, and don’t get up at dawn to run to the market for a mint for decoration. Just accept that things are bound to be less than perfect. To make it easier for you to cope, do not invite more than five or six guests at first. And don’t spend the whole evening refilling plates, running to the oven and serving new drinks. Organize a buffet or theme night with one signature dish. Yes, in the end, no one canceled food with delivery either.

7. The first girl to openly flirt with your husband

It is said that men with wedding rings attract girls. They can flirt with your husband somewhere in the supermarket, or in a sports bar, or even at a friendly party, in front of you. Your self-confidence will be tested for strength — it does not matter whether you are one hundred percent sure of his love, or start up half a turn, barely sensing something was wrong.

How to cope? The first time one of these girls comes up and flirts with your husband right in front of you, smile at him and say, “I don’t blame her. You are the sexiest here. Your husband will love that you have confidence in him. Don’t be that perpetually angry wife who suspects something is wrong in every look and then remains silent all the way home.

8. First joint traditions

They prepare for memorable dates in advance and look forward to how they will be celebrated. They save you from routine. If some holidays seem silly or banal to you, create your own. The main thing is that you are not left completely without them.

How to cope? Follow the traditions that were in your families and create new ones. It doesn’t have to be something grand, like repeating your wedding vows every six months.

35-year-old Marina says: “On our first honeymoon, my husband and I swam with turtles, and therefore we have a small glass turtle at home and turtles also flicker in patterns on napkins. Then we added to it … a tomato, because we dreamed of our own garden. Or it could be a glass of champagne of a special kind, with which you celebrate all your important family events — just you and him.

9. First family holidays

Before, when you only met, you spent every free minute together. Even earlier, you could go to your parents for Christmas, and he to his. Now you are racking your brains on how to go everywhere and not offend anyone. To visit relatives in turn, in a year or to visit all at once?

How to cope? First, talk and decide for which of your relatives this is more important now — perhaps he has an old aunt in the family or your sister recently had a baby, and she needs to be congratulated on this. This will make your choice easier. But in any case, find time for your little holiday just the two of you, even if it is only a few hours before departure.

10. The first time marriage scares you.

You love your husband, but let’s face it: sometimes marriage is scary. You returned to the real world, and suddenly it dawned on you: now you are married, and everything will be different. What if you were wrong? Or: what if it’s not forever?

How to cope? There will be nothing wrong if you tell him: “I can’t imagine my life without you and I don’t want to lose you.” But this does not include constant anxiety for your husband, checking whether he loves you so much, and scandals to make sure of this again and add pepper to your life. The most important thing is that you feel good together, you are kind to each other and do everything to make your marriage even stronger.