10 Consequences of Lack of Parental Attention

If adults do not pay attention to the feelings and needs of children, they unconsciously broadcast silent, invisible attitudes that largely determine a person’s self-esteem and ideas about himself in adulthood.

Children’s attitudes do not allow us to make a choice that will be optimal for us. We fall in love, we create relationships, but we cannot be happy in these relationships. We raise children, but it is a burden to us.

We can reduce the influence of children’s attitudes on our lives. We just need to discover in ourselves the attitudes that have arisen due to the lack of attention from parents, and not allow them to further interfere with our development.

What beliefs are holding us back?

1. It’s bad to be too happy or too sad.

As children, we experienced strong feelings, like all children. And at that time we needed a person who would teach us to understand emotions and manage them. But instead, we were simply given to understand that we needed to be more restrained. And we have learned to restrain emotions.

2. Showing Feelings Is Showing Weakness

In childhood, the experiences were sincere. We got angry if we were offended. And loving parents had to console us, so that over time we learned to cope with experiences on our own. But we have been taught that feelings are a weakness. And we have learned to condemn ourselves for showing feelings.

3. My needs and wants don’t matter

As children, we had needs, like all children. We knew what was important, what was good, what was bad. We just needed someone to ask about our wants and needs. But no one paid attention to them, and we decided that it did not matter.

4. Talking about problems is just unnecessary to strain people

We grew up and had difficulty communicating at school, at home with siblings, and with friends. And it was important for us to know that we can tell parents about problems. But they were not up to our problems, since then we have kept them to ourselves.

5. Only the weak cry

Everyone cries because crying is a natural way to process emotions. As children, we sometimes cried (perhaps often). But our family did not know that we were crying for a reason, and ignored our tears. The desire to hold back tears and the belief that crying is harmful is a clear sign of parental indifference.

6. People judge displays of affection.

If a child was punished for showing feelings in the parental home, he brings into adulthood the attitude “Hide your emotions, otherwise you will be thought badly of you or your feelings will be used against you.”

7. Anger is a negative emotion and should be avoided.

As children, we often got angry because anger is part of life. We needed help to recognize and manage anger. But we have learned to suppress and replace anger. Because we were punished for showing it.

8. Relying on others means being disappointed

Children need help just as much as teenagers and adults. As children, we needed support, direction. But our parents were not up to us. And we realized that it is better not to ask for help, so as not to worry about the rejection.

9. Nobody cares what I say

In childhood, we were surprised at the world around us and wanted to tell so much and ask about so many things. But in the family it was considered empty chatter. Then we decided that no one cares about our words, and it is better not to voice questions.

10. I am alone in this world

As children, we needed a sense of unconditional support. But adults were always busy and indifferent, and we realized that we were alone.

About the author: Jonis Webb is a psychologist.