Contents
Everyone has problems from time to time. What do you do when you encounter them? Think about the situation and act? Do you take it as a challenge? Are you waiting for everything to “solve itself”? Your habitual reaction to difficulties directly affects the quality of life. And that’s why.
People and their problems
Natalia is 32 years old. She wants to find a man who will solve all her problems. Such expectations speak of infantilism: Natalya sees in her partner a parent who cares, takes care and ensures that her needs are met. Only, according to her passport, Natalya has not been a child for a long time …
Oleg is 53 years old, and he is going through a separation from his beloved woman, with whom he lived for three years. Oleg is not one of those who likes to talk about problems, and she “always sawed” him with talk about what was not going well with them. Oleg perceived this as female whims, brushed it off. His companion failed to get him to take a serious attitude to what was happening in order to rally together against problems, and she decided to break off relations. Oleg does not understand why this happened.
Kristina is 48 and cannot let go of her 19 year old son. Controls his calls, manipulates with the help of a sense of guilt (“my pressure rises because of you”), does everything to ensure that he stays at home, and does not go to live with his girlfriend. Christina herself does not like the girl, and neither does her family. A woman’s relationship with her husband is complex: there is a lot of tension in them. The son was a link, and now, when he wants to build his life, Christina prevents this. Communication is tight. Bad for everyone…
The problem is the «engine of progress»
How do you meet problems? Most of us are at least outraged: “This should not have happened! Just not with me!”
But did someone promise us that our life would stand still and flow perfectly and smoothly? This has never happened and never happens to anyone. Even the most successful people go through difficult situations, lose someone or something, and make difficult decisions.
But if we imagine an abstract person whose life is devoid of problems, we understand that it is as if he remains canned. Does not grow, does not become stronger and wiser, does not learn from mistakes and does not find new ways. And all because problems help us to develop.
Therefore, it is much more productive not to assume that life should be hassle-free and sweet as syrup, and difficult situations arise only in order to destroy a person. It will be much better for us to see each of them as a chance to take a step forward.
When emergency situations arise, many experience fear, ignore or deny the problem.
Problems help to «rock» us, show areas of stagnation that need change. In other words, they provide an opportunity to grow and develop, to strengthen your inner core.
Alfried Lenglet, in his book A Life of Meaning, writes: “To be born human means to be the one to whom life asks a question. To live means to respond: to respond to any demands of the moment.
Of course, solving problems requires internal efforts, actions, will, which a person is not always ready to show. Therefore, when emergency situations arise, many experience fear, ignore or deny the problem, hoping that it will be solved over time by itself or someone will deal with it for him.
Consequences of flight
Not noticing problems, denying that they exist, ignoring them, not seeing your own difficulties and not working on them is a direct path to dissatisfaction with your own life, a sense of failure and damaged relationships. If you do not take responsibility for your own life, you will have to put up with unpleasant consequences.
That is why it is important for Natalya not to look for a “rescuer” in a man, but to develop qualities in herself that would help to rely on herself in solving them. Learn to take care of yourself.
Oleg himself is gradually maturing to the idea that, perhaps, he did not listen to his life partner much and did not want to pay attention to the crisis in relations.
Christina would do well to turn her gaze inward and to her relationship with her husband. The son has matured, is about to fly out of the nest and will live his own life, and she will remain with her husband. And then the important questions would not be “How to keep the son? ”, and “What is interesting in my life?” “What can I fill it with?”, “What do I want for myself? What is the time freed up for?”, “How can you improve, transform your relationship with your husband?”
Consequences of the position of «doing nothing» — the emergence of inner emptiness, longing, dissatisfaction
The attitude “the problem is difficult, but I want to relax”, avoiding the need to strain is resistance to natural development. In fact, the resistance of life itself with its changeability.
The way a person solves problems shows how he deals with his own, only life. The founder of existential psychotherapy, Viktor Frankl, in his book The Doctor and the Soul: Logotherapy and Existential Analysis, writes: “Live as if you were living for the second time, and on the first you spoiled everything that could be spoiled.” Sobering thought, isn’t it?
The consequences of the “doing nothing” position are the emergence of inner emptiness, melancholy, dissatisfaction and depressive states. Each of us chooses for himself: to look at his situation and himself honestly or close himself from himself and from life. And life will always give us a chance, “throwing up” new situations in order to rethink, see, change something.
Believe in yourself
It is always necessary to understand what prevents us from solving problems and showing courage when facing them. First of all, it is self-doubt and fears. Distrust of one’s own strengths, capabilities, fear of not coping, fear of change — greatly hinder moving in life and growing.
Therefore, it is very important to understand yourself. Psychotherapy helps to make such an unforgettable journey deep into yourself, to a greater understanding of your life and the possibilities to change it.