PSYchology

A friend admitted that she was in love with two boys at once. Even the younger brother is already staring at girls, and at the age of 14-16 you understand that no one is interesting to you. Is it normal? The expert explains.

You can’t fall in love by order. You can’t get carried away with someone just because everyone does it. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with not liking anyone. At the same time, you can always slightly change the angle of view and see people better.

What do you most often pay attention to when you communicate with someone? Appearance, style? The way he talks and jokes? To the sound of voice, behavior, facial expressions? It’s great when you can see in others some traits, habits, talents that delight, surprise and delight you.

Learn to see the good in people

The ability to feel sympathy is a skill, which has been preserved in us since ancient times: our ancestors would not have survived if they did not find something attractive in each other. And any skill can be developed. So just learn to see the good in people.

Is it possible to find something cool in a person who everyone thinks is not cool? Yes, you can, but for this you need to clearly understand what exactly you value in people. Probably the very thing that makes someone a freak is what you’ll like.

Is it possible to not notice anything cool in a person at all? Of course, especially if you don’t try. But I advise you: just admit that there is something valuable in someone who is completely unsympathetic to you, which you do not notice. This does not mean that tomorrow you will go hand in hand towards a happy future. But in your field of vision there will be one less “no” person and one more interesting person.

Here’s what you really shouldn’t do:

  • Be embarrassed that you don’t fall in love with anyone

These are your emotions, you are their sole and sovereign master. No one should care what feelings and to whom you have or do not have.

  • Show love and interest

Of course, the whole world is a theater, and we are a little actors in it, but in life it is harmful to deceive yourself and your brain. If you’re being courted by someone you don’t like, pause and listen to yourself. If you also feel interest, take a closer look at this friend. If not, politely send to the friend zone.

  • To deceive that someone from mutual acquaintances has feelings for you

By inventing such stories, you are using an innocent person for your own selfish purposes. You shouldn’t do that. If you really need to lie, it’s better to choose someone that doesn’t exist. Also a so-so solution, but at least you’re not hurting anyone but yourself.

Find a company of interest

To feel sympathy for someone, you need at least a little contact with people. If you don’t talk to anyone at school, and immediately run home after school and sit in your room until the next morning, you are unlikely to have the opportunity to find someone you like. 

Think about what it would be interesting for you to get involved in: a new circle or club, section, walks, hikes (only I strongly advise you to choose offline). Through a social network or fandom, you do not get to know a person well and easily miss out on the cool things that you might like.

And one more trick: it’s easier to notice and evaluate a person if he likes about the same thing as you. So try to find a company that shares your interests. So you will find yourself in your own environment, where others value the same as you.

By the way, what is «like»? How do you know that you like a person? Make a list of 10 possible signs, for example:

  • you always want to be together

  • you like the same thing

  • you have something to talk about

  • you enjoy touching each other…

Now think about each of the points. For example, you always want to be together. But even very close people sometimes need to rest from each other. It happens that after a cool walk or going to the movies with a person you really like, you want to quickly close yourself in your room and be alone.

Or: you must like the same thing. But this is absolutely not necessary! Dad loves hockey and motorcycles, mom loves French poetry and sweet buns. And yet they are together.

So what does it mean to feel special sympathy for each other? I don’t have a ready answer. And no one has. But there is hope that you will determine the answer for yourself.

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