Surely, many in the minds have a stereotypical image of a harmful old man who does not allow the younger generation to live in peace. The intractability of some people is often associated with the advent of old age. We deal with a psychologist why it is more difficult to get along with older people and whether the reason is really only age.
Alexandra, a 21-year-old philosophy student, visited her grandmother for the summer to chat with her and “amuse her with jokes and jokes in her constant struggle with her illnesses.” But it turned out not to be so easy…
“My grandmother has a grumpy and short-tempered personality. As I understand it, he was about the same in her youth, judging by the stories of my father. But in his declining years, he seems to have completely deteriorated! she notes.
“Grandma can suddenly say something harsh, she can suddenly become indignant for absolutely no reason, she can start arguing with grandfather just like that, because for her it is already some kind of inseparable part of social life!” Sasha laughs, although she probably doesn’t have much fun.
“Swearing with her grandfather is already an inseparable part of her social life”
“For example, today my grandmother, as they say, got up on the wrong foot, so in the middle of our conversation she cut me off with the words “I’m telling you something, but you interrupt me!”, And she left. I shrugged my shoulders, and after half an hour the skirmish was forgotten, as is generally the case with all such collisions.
Sasha sees two reasons for this behavior. The first is physiological old age: “She always has something in pain. She is suffering, and this physical bad condition, apparently, affects the state of the psyche.
The second is the realization of one’s weakness and helplessness: «This is resentment and irritation at old age, which makes her dependent on others.»
Psychologist Olga Krasnova, one of the authors of the book Personality Psychology of the Elderly and Persons with Disabilities, confirms Sasha’s hunches: “There are many social and somatic factors that influence what we mean by “spoiled character” — although I I think that people deteriorate with age.
Social factors include, in particular, retirement, if it entails a loss of status, earnings, and confidence. Somatic — changes in health. A person acquires chronic diseases with age, takes medications that affect memory and other cognitive functions.
In turn, Doctor of Psychology Marina Ermolaeva is convinced that the character of the elderly does not always deteriorate and, moreover, in some cases it can improve. And self-development plays a decisive role here.
“When a person develops, that is, when he overcomes himself, searches for himself, he discovers different aspects of being, and his living space, his world expands. New values become available to him: the experience of meeting a work of art, for example, or a love of nature, or a religious feeling.
It turns out that in old age there are much more reasons for happiness than in youth. Gaining experience, you rethink the concept of true being. Therefore, it is not surprising that grandchildren please much more than children in their youth.
A person has 20 years between retirement and complete decrepitude
But if everything is so beautiful, why does this image of a grumpy old man still exist? The psychologist explains: “Personality is formed in society. A mature person occupies key positions in society when he actively participates in its productive life — thanks to work, raising children, and simply mastering the social side of life.
And when a person retires, he does not occupy any place in society. His personality is practically lost, his life world is narrowing, and yet he does not want this! Now imagine that there are people who have been doing nasty jobs all their lives and have dreamed of retiring since they were young.
So what are these people to do? In the modern world, a person has a period of 20 years between retirement and complete decrepitude.
Indeed: how can an elderly person, after losing their usual social ties and their place in the world, cope with the feeling of their own uselessness? Marina Ermolaeva gives a very specific answer to this question:
“You need to find a type of activity that would be needed by someone other than yourself, but rethink this leisure as work. Here is an example for you on an everyday level: an occupation is, for example, sitting with your grandchildren.
The worst thing is when it’s a leisure activity: “I can do it, I can’t (because of high blood pressure, sore joints) I don’t do it.” And labor is when “I can — I do it, I can’t — I do it anyway, because no one will do it except me! I will let the closest people down!” Labor is the only way for a person to exist.”
We must always overcome our nature
Another important factor influencing character is, of course, relationships in the family. “The trouble with old people often lies in the fact that they have not built and are not building relationships with their children.
The key point in this matter is our behavior with their chosen ones. If we can love our child’s soulmate as much as we love him, we will have two children. If we can’t, there won’t be one. And lonely people are very unhappy.”
“Man’s self-reliance is the key to his greatness,” recalls the phrase of Pushkin Yermolaev. The character of a person depends on him at any age.
“We must always overcome our nature: maintain a good physical condition and treat it like a job; constantly develop, although for this you have to overcome yourself. Then everything will be fine, ”the expert is sure.