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Addiction treatment is a difficult ordeal for a family. Clinical psychologist Candice Rasa shares three tips to help keep your relationship going.
You found out that your partner has an alcohol or drug addiction. It’s not easy to get through this. This is a painful and traumatic experience for both of you, and the increased risk of divorce only makes things worse. Having become mired in the problems of a dependent spouse, you find yourself in complete isolation, directing all your strength and energy to restore your spouse, and your needs go unnoticed.
As a psychotherapist, I work with close relatives of addicted people. The best strategy is to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and patience. It helps the addict to recover and his partner to take care of himself.
It’s not always easy, your first reaction to a situation is anger. You are trying to find the culprit or take on an unbearable burden. The following tips will help you set yourself up for a healthier approach to the situation.
Focus on the problem, not the person
Do not take your partner’s problems personally, do not consider them as a protest against you. You should not perceive a partner through the prism of his dependence.
Of course, such a reaction is understandable. The spouse is stuck in a vicious cycle of alcohol or drug abuse and no longer looks like the person you originally fell in love with. But this is a trap.
Try to separate your spouse from his illness and start working together to solve the problem.
If you associate the disease with the personal qualities and shortcomings of the partner, this will get in the way of his recovery and recovery. This position suggests that recovery is impossible.
If you perceive your partner’s addiction as a negative reaction to your personality, this will also do little good. Try to separate your spouse from his illness and together begin to work on a solution to the problem.
Ask yourself what is normal for you and what is not
Empathy, acceptance, and patience are a good foundation for recovery, but you don’t have to constantly adjust and break yourself to meet your spouse’s needs. If you are worn out by endless self-sacrifice, make a list of what you are willing to do to show empathy and support, and what not. Stick to it, make minor changes if necessary. This is how you set the boundaries for a healthy relationship. This will help you stay patient, and your partner will recover faster.
Say «I need» and «I feel»
When you evaluate people, it activates their defense mechanism. For those who suffer from addiction, this is especially true. Avoid making direct judgments or statements about your partner’s behavior, instead saying how you feel as a result of their actions. You can say, “I almost lost my mind when I came home and found you “passed out”. Or, “I feel so lonely lately. I want to talk to you, and you’re drunk.»
When you don’t judge, but talk about your feelings, the chances of making emotional contact increase.
There is no guarantee that your spouse will hear you — alcohol and drugs dull the ability to empathize. But this form of communication is more effective. When you don’t judge, but talk about your feelings, the chances of making emotional contact increase. Empathy and understanding will become the foundation for the restoration of a partner and relationships with him.