Sometimes families break up. This is not always a tragedy, but raising a child in an incomplete family is not the best option. It’s great if you have the opportunity to create it again with another person, a new dad or a new mom, but what if the child is against any «new» ones? What to do if a child wants mom to be only with his dad and no one else? Or for dad to live only with mom, and not with some other aunt outside him?
So, the real story — and a proposal for its solution.
Acquaintance with the child of my man a week and a half ago was successful: a 4-hour walk on the lake with swimming and a picnic was easy and carefree. Serezha is a wonderful, open, well-bred, benevolent child, we have a good contact with him. Then the next weekend, we arranged a trip out of town with tents — with my friends and friends of my man, he also took his son with him. This is where it all happened. The fact is that my man was always next to me — he hugged, kissed, constantly showed signs of attention and tender care. Apparently, this hurt the boy very much, and at some point he simply ran away from us into the forest. Before that, he was always there, joking, trying to hug his father … and then — he was overwhelmed with resentment, and he ran away.
We quickly found him, but he categorically refused to talk to dad. But I managed to approach him and even hug him, he did not even resist. Serezha has absolutely no aggression towards me. We just silently hugged him in the forest for about an hour until he calmed down. After that, finally, they were able to talk, although it did not work out right away to talk to him — persuasion, caress. And here Seryozha expressed everything that boiled up in him: that he personally has nothing against me, that he feels that I treat him very well, but he would prefer that I was not there. Why? Because he wants his parents to live together and he believes they can get back together. And if I do, then this will definitely not happen.
It’s not easy to hear this addressed to me, but I managed to pull myself together and we returned together. But the question is what to do now?
After establishing contact, we offer such a serious conversation:
Serezha, you want your parents to be together. I have great respect for you for this: you love your parents, you take care of them, you are smart. Not all boys know how to love their parents like that! But in this case, you are wrong, with whom your dad should live is not your question. This is not a matter for children, but for adults. The question of who he should live with is decided only by your dad, he decides completely on his own. And when you become an adult, you will also have: with whom, with what woman you live, you will decide, not your children!
This applies to me too. I understand you, you would like me to leave your relationship with mom and dad. But I can’t do that because I love him and he wants us to be together. And if dad wants to live with me, and you want another, then the word of your father is important to me. There must be order in the family, and order begins with respect for the decisions of elders.
Sergei, what do you think about this? How do you plan to deal with your father’s decision?