What it’s like to be a XNUMXst century man

Not only today, February 23, but also on other days, many men are wondering where their place is in the new, progressive world. It is no longer necessary to drive rivals with a club, kill mammoths, fight predators. But what then to do? How to prove yourself and maintain your masculinity? Psychologist Alexander Shakhov reflects.

Let’s start with the fact that the concept of a «real man» from the point of view of women and men is a different set of qualities. If for women it is: responsible, romantic, caring, sensitive, faithful, loving children, a strong family man, then in the male world it is aggressive, not giving off to enemies, saving the world, unemotional, lucky, successful with women type.

Just watch action movies — this is a source of male role models. The main characters in them are James Bond, Thor, Iron Man. Both men and women like this image, the difference is that women want to tame James Bond. But it’s hard to be a hero, taking out the trash can, even in a tuxedo.

Looking at movie characters, a man compares himself with them and discovers an abyss of inconsistency: «I’m not real, not the way I should be.» This discrepancy cannot be resolved rationally by realizing that «it’s just a movie.»

To overcome it, many resort to alcohol — drank a bottle of beer, and you are already James Bond — or run away to computer games where you are a «hero» defeating cartoon villains.

Men need role models in the world of living people. Before they were: Chkalov, Chelyuskin, Stakhanov. They performed difficult, but quite human feats. Following these pioneers, whole men’s movements arose: the Chelyuskinites, the Stakhanovites, the Chkalovites. Where are such examples now? Only comic book heroes with superhuman abilities remained.

Many males are tired of the endless tension caused by the willingness to accept a challenge from other males.

Scientific and technological progress has equalized a man in opportunities with a woman. It is not required to save the world in the struggle, it is supported by negotiations. Get food too, food delivery operates around the clock. A man has an existential problem: why is he needed now as he is?

I often visit Germany. Here, men are in fashion with an emphasized respect for women, care for the family. Even in parks with children and strollers, mostly men walk. And in the traditionally male environment — sports locker rooms, beer bars — there is such a benevolent atmosphere that I, with my survival mindset from the 90s, feel like a fossil Neanderthal to myself, and I have to make a conscious effort to smile, relax, joke.

I think that many men, like me, are tired of the endless tension caused by the willingness to accept a challenge from other males. It is not easy to eradicate the image of a “real man” that has been cultivated for decades — fierce, aggressive, risky. But I’m trying. For yourself. For the family. For the sake of the world.

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