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At some point, the baby begins to realize that clothes are not just what your parents put on you, but what you should already start putting on yourself. However, what parents consider so important in clothing (its size, weather appropriateness, neatness) rarely matters to the baby. He is much more important than all this, so that it has the right bright image of characters from his favorite cartoon.
How to resolve this clash of opinions?
You have probably already heard the standard answer in such cases: “offer a choice of a red or blue jacket.” You have already tried it and realized that this approach does not work. (For those who have not tried, you should do this: you offer the child a choice, but link it not to the weather (to wear or not to wear a jacket), but which jacket to wear: long, blue, etc. etc.; what about this short red jacket?) The idea is that the child chooses what to wear. Even if this is not quite what he wanted, let him know: he made the decision on his own, and then he will make contact by choosing one of the options you offer.
The problem may be that a baby who already knows how to speak, and besides, and is stubborn, may well offer a third option: not to wear a jacket at all — an option that was not proposed by you. And he will insist on his own: “I don’t want any jacket, because I’m NOT COLD.”
Having excluded the option of forcibly dressing the baby in the clothes of your choice, you need to resort to a different strategy of behavior. You should carefully consider what is best for you, taking into account your own assessment of the personality of the baby. If you want him to understand that he himself will have to pay for the consequences of his decision, act according to the second option; but, if you know about his great stubbornness, use any options except the second.
Option One: Find him a jacket he really wants to wear.
At the very beginning of the cool season, take your baby to the store, choose a warm jacket that he will really like, but on the condition that he will definitely wear it in cold weather. Don’t mind the color, style, material, impracticality, or anything else. Don’t mind the price either (to do this, choose a store whose prices are affordable for your budget). Let him choose the most ridiculous thing in the whole store, trimmed with faux leather or fringe, reminiscent of the gaudy outfits of the old show. No matter how wild his choice may be, it’s still better than letting him out half-naked on the street, where there is snow, isn’t it?
Option two: it’s okay — let it freeze!
Agree with him: let’s go out into the cold without a jacket. Then one of three things will happen:
- He will freeze and say: “Mommy, can I put on a jacket now?”, And you will answer: “You said you didn’t want to wear it, and I left it at home. Shorten the time spent outdoors, thereby letting the child know what the consequences will be next time if he does not heed the wise advice of his parents.
- He will freeze and say: “Mommy, can I put on a jacket now?”, And then you will answer: “I thought that you would freeze, and took it with you.” But then it will mean that learning the right choice of clothes is not the most important thing for him. When he gets older, he will have enough time to learn how to dress for the weather. In addition, it was not at all difficult for you to take a jacket with you, and putting it on, he will understand that you were right: in such weather you cannot go out without a jacket.
- The little one won’t actually be too cold and won’t ask for a jacket. In that case, he was right: she really wasn’t needed.
Children usually manage to conserve body heat thanks to the energy they generate through movement — running and jumping. And yet, caution and some supervision by an adult is necessary. Playing in sub-zero temperatures without proper equipment can be dangerous for a child’s health: their fingers and ears can get frostbite, so be on the lookout and don’t give up!
Option three: use many layers of clothing
Perhaps the reason for the conflict lies in the very idea of the jacket, and not in the need to dress warmly. It is possible that your baby will gladly agree to other, more comfortable clothes for him: a cotton turtleneck, a warm sports sweatshirt for her and a vest over all this. In a warm woolen hat and a pair of good gloves, he will be perfectly protected from the cold — no worse than in a winter coat. Indeed, since most of the body’s heat is lost through the head, a warm hat is much more useful than an under-insulated coat.
Option Four: Get creative!
Take one of your wool sweaters and downsize it; many kids love to wear something from their mother’s or father’s clothes. If the baby does not want to wear gloves in any way, let him put on socks or hand puppets on his hands. Remember Clint Eastwood in the movie «Dumb, Dumber» — using a shawl (plaid), make a cape. And if you draw associations with your favorite profession? For example, firefighters never go without a protective jacket, and a police officer never goes without a bulletproof vest. You can find a similar jacket and invite your child to wear it to look like one of their favorite characters, and both of you will be happy. (However, if after a few years he still insists on wearing a firefighter’s jacket, despite the fact that it is already tattered and looks ridiculous on a five-year-old child, refer to the answers to chapter four, “Getting Rid of Things and Habits,” to solve this dilemma. «.)
Question: Now that my twin daughters have learned to dress themselves, every morning they spend a lot of time arguing about what to wear, and each time they invariably choose completely unacceptable options. So, once one of the twins insisted on wearing old stained jeans to the Easter service in the church; another time, when we were going to the playground, the second daughter put on a carnival cat costume with a long dangling tail, which, as I feared, could catch on the bars of the wall bars. But the most terrible battle broke out when they both decided they could go to Grandma’s Sunday dinner in bathing suits. My husband does not support me in these disputes; he believes that as long as girls are small, it’s okay to let them dress as they please, and that they still have enough time to learn how to dress in the way that is customary in society.
This is not what your twins are actually learning right now. The main lesson they learn is that they should not care about the opinion of their grandmother, and mother, instead of fussing around the playground, it would be much more important to understand the meaning of children’s clothing style.
But clothing is of great importance: so incorrectly chosen is an element of the risk of injury when playing or a manifestation of disrespect for other people.
This does not mean that you should scream whenever your girls have a different opinion. You just need to outsmart your twins (by the way, this will also relieve tension in your relationship with your spouse). We offer a strategy that may help you.
- First, try to use the drag tactic. Say: «Yes, you certainly you can put on your favorite old blue jeans, but after we get back from church.”
- Second, try to soften your arguments: “No, the cat’s tail is not good for the playground. Think about what can happen to him if he catches on a swing or a crossbar? It will deteriorate or come off at all, and you will never be able to put on a suit again. (Note: it is most effective to appeal not to the child’s fear of falling or hitting, but to his love for the costume and the desire to protect it from damage).
- Third, take the opportunity to teach a lesson in respect. Say, “Sure, you could wear bathing suits to Grandma’s dinner, but I’m worried about how she’ll feel about it. She was brought up in such a way that when you go to visit, you always wear the best clothes, showing the importance of the event. I’m sure she’ll never understand why you dressed up like a swimming pool when you went to dinner with her.»
While trying to benevolently intervene in the choice of clothes and at the same time remain firm, you must do everything possible to convince the children how important and interesting their ideas are. Compromise whenever possible. If your little one can wear a bathing suit under a fancy dress, that’s just fine! And as for the kitty costume on the playground, maybe it’s enough to wear some part of it, and not the whole costume?
Use all your imagination, creative efforts in search of a compromise. This is very important in order to avoid a tedious verbal duel as a result.
Suppose a toddler insists on wearing his favorite superhero cape to kindergarten. Try to get the kindergarten staff to cooperate and find out where and when the child can wear this raincoat. Maybe it will come in handy as a cover during daytime sleep. Or invite your child to wear a raincoat to kindergarten and back, and the rest of the day the raincoat can hang in a locker. You can offer kindergarten teachers to organize a special corner with fancy dress or set aside regular time when children will be allowed to portray a variety of characters from their favorite cartoons or fairy tales. If the administration of a children’s institution is flexible in thinking and acting, then a solution that will satisfy everyone will definitely appear. (If this does not happen, this should serve as a signal to you that not all is well in kindergarten, where your child spends most of the day).
Key Elements of the Clothing Wars Strategy
- Don’t give up if your child’s safety is at stake. (Never let him play with loose ends that could wrap around his neck.)
- Pay due attention to how your child’s clothing style will be perceived by others. (Grandma’s standards may seem old-fashioned, but they are important to her. Try to explain to the baby that because you care about grandma’s feelings, when you visit her, you will dress in a way that pleases her).
- In most cases, as far as possible, it is necessary to maintain the self-esteem in the baby, which is manifested in the choice of clothes, and not try to impose your views on him.
- Places where formal wear is required are generally not intended for children. They do not have to be present at official concerts, funerals of distant relatives, or any solemn religious services. In such cases, you need to invite a nanny, and not arrange “battles”.