Ugly baby at birth: what to know and how to react

That’s it, baby is born! We exchanged our first glances, we cried with joy … And when we look at his little face, we crack … But a few days have passed, and we find ourselves asking this question more and more often: what if my baby was ugly ? Really ugly? It must be said that with his crushed nose, his elongated skull, his boxer eyes, he does not correspond to the ideal baby that we expected to meet. # badmother, right? We calm down and think about it.

Do we find ugly baby? Do not panic !

First, we must take into account our own state of fatigue. Childbirth is a great physical ordeal. And when you’re tired, even if it’s to give birth to a child, sometimes your morale is a bit low. Add of course the lack of sleep, the pain of the episio or the cesarean section, the sore stomach, the trenches and whatnot after birth… it often gives a little blues (even a baby-blues). This baby that we have been waiting for months, the 8th wonder of the world … is no longer a fantasized baby, but a real baby this time! Which can give, in real life, when we look at him through his transparent cradle: a divergent strabismus, the skin that wrinkles like a bulldog, a big nose, protruding ears, a reddish face, the flat head, no hair (or on the contrary a huge tuft) … In short, the beauty contest is not for now! So we are neither a bad mother nor a monster, just a real mom who is getting to know her baby, a real baby. 

Baby not beautiful: parents, we play down … and we wait!

Stop! We bring down the pressure! And we exonerate ourselves. It’s a fact, our baby does not have the adorable and crisp face that we imagined, the one that all babies wear in magazines, in photographers’ books, etc. However, we are reassured, our child will not keep these traits all his life. Right after childbirth, the baby’s skin and facial features may be slightly changed, especially by the passage of the pelvis, forceps, vernix, birthmarks … The baby’s face will also undergo many transformations in the hours and days following birth., because his senses are still developing, the bones of the skull are not yet consolidated, the fontanelles are moving, etc.

Also, if the baby reminds us of Uncle Robert, with her big nose, or of Grandmother Berthe, with her plump cheeks, don’t panic. Yes family resemblances are very present during early childhood, to the point that some families have fun comparing photos of babies of different generations, these traits generally dissipate later, in favor of a greater resemblance to the father and mother, and siblings.

Note also that while it is often easy to recognize someone you know as an adult by observing their child’s or baby’s face, it is much more complicated to imagine the future features that a baby will have once adult. In short, we will have understood, on the beauty side, it is better take his troubles patiently rather than worrying and being afraid of having an ugly baby.

“Mathis was born with forceps. He had a deformed skull on one side, with a big bump. A mass of jet black hair, as thick as anything. And at 3 days old, jaundice in the newborn made it lemon yellow. In short, what a funny baby! For me, it was a UFO! So, I wasn’t sure what to think of her physique (obviously, I wasn’t saying it, but I was a little worried). It took me 15 days to finally tell myself – and to think it again: wow, how beautiful my little boy is! ” Magali, mother of two children 

Ugly baby: a delicate situation for the immediate family

We have a friend / sister / brother / colleague who has just had a baby, and when we visit her in the maternity ward, we find ourselves thinking… that her baby is, how can I put it, rather ugly? Achtung, we manage… with delicacy! Because of course, filled with joy and love, most parents find their newborn baby unparalleled in beauty. So if we have relatives whose baby seems simply ugly to you, we of course avoid telling them! However, if you are a close family, the question of the baby’s face may often come up on the table. Rather than constantly exclaiming “What a beautiful baby !”If you don’t believe it yourself, we prefer to draw attention to something else: his weight, his appetite, his hands, his facial expressions, his size … Or discuss with the couple the joys and difficulties they encounter in the first hours of their little protégé’s life: we ask them if the baby sleeps well, if he eats well, if the mother has recovered well, if the couple is well surrounded, etc. As this kind of very practical subject is rarely mentioned, young parents will be delighted to be asked these questions, rather than always paying attention to the baby

And we do a little survey around us: we will quickly see that parents of ugly ex-babies abound! And in general, they tell us about it with a smile on their face! 

 

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