Often in the car, children do not want to keep their seat belts. Indeed, toddlers find it difficult to comply with the rules and parents often have the impression of spending their time repeating the same instructions all day long. It is tiring, but necessary because it takes time for children to learn good manners, to integrate the codes of life in society.
What the Gordon method advises:Wearing a seat belt in the car is compulsory, it’s the law! It is therefore advisable to reiterate it firmly: “I will not compromise because it is very important for me that you are safe and that I am in good standing with the law. I put it on, it protects me, it’s mandatory! It is not possible to stay in the car without fastening your seat belt, if you refuse, you get out of the car! ” Second, you can recognize your child’s need for movement : “It’s not funny, it’s tight, you can’t move, I understand. But the car is not the place to move. In a little while, we’ll play a ball game, we’ll go to the park, you’ll go tobogganing. »If your child is on the move, can’t keep still, wriggles in his seat and can’t stand sitting at the table, again, it is advisable to be firm, but taking into account the needs of the child. For a very active toddler, adult meal times are too long. Asking him to stay for 20 minutes at the table is already good. After this time, he must be allowed to leave the table and come back for dessert …
He wakes up during the night and comes to sleep in our bed
Spontaneously, parents might be tempted to compromise: “OK, you can come to our bed, but as long as you don’t wake us up!” They implement a solution, but the basic problem is not solved. If the parents do not dare to impose themselves and say no, it is the gear, they reinforce the behavior which poses problem and that risks to last for years …
What the Gordon method advises: We start with a very clear and assertive “I” message to set the limits: “From 9 o’clock in the evening, it’s mom and dad’s time, we need to stay together and sleep peacefully in our bed. All night long. We don’t want to be awake and disturbed, we need sleep to be in good shape the next morning. Every child waits for the limit, he needs it to feel secure, to know what to do and what not to do. The Gordon method emphasizes listening to everyone’s needs, starting with their own, but you do not set the limit without listening to your child, without identifying his needs. Because if we do not take into account our needs, we can lead to strong emotional reactions: anger, sadness, anxiety, which can result in aggression, learning problems, fatigue and a deterioration of the family relationship. . To take into account the need for a child who wakes up at night, we put things quietly, we “brainstorm” outside of the crisis context. : “If you need to come and hug mom and dad in our bed, it’s impossible in the middle of the night, but it’s possible on Saturday morning or Sunday morning. On these days you can come and wake us up. And then we’ll do a cool activity together. What would you like us to do? Biking ? A cake ? Go swimming ? Go eat ice cream? You can also invite a friend, your cousin or your cousin from time to time to sleep if you feel a little lonely at night. The child is happy to see that his need is recognized, he can choose the easy-to-implement solution that suits him and the problem of nocturnal awakenings is solved.