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How easy it would be to live if someone big, smart and omniscient solved all our problems for us and gave us a “magic pill” for happiness. But alas! Not a single psychotherapist, shaman, blogger, coach, energy practitioner can know for sure how we can quickly resolve all issues and which path to choose to fulfill our dreams. Why aren’t there simple solutions to complex issues?
In Search of the All-Knowing Parent
Good advice from strangers who seem to care about your bright future can become a real poison for you. They lead us astray.
“You need to become more feminine! Release your feminine energy, stop being an “achieving man,” pseudo-coaches say, quietly remaking us.
“Trust in the abundant universe! Live in the flow. Stop being afraid, set high goals! You need to think bigger,” we hear from various gurus. And we cease to objectively evaluate our internal resources, becoming infected with someone else’s «big dream».
But have you ever wondered for a second how these experts decide that this is what you need? Ask yourself questions: are they broadcasting their desires to you? Do these people know how to live like they offer you? And even if they can, how do they determine that you will also get high from it and live happily?
Determine for yourself who best knows how to live: you or the guide?
Of course, the idea that someone else can come and tell us about who we are and how we should build our lives is very tempting. A great weight off one’s mind! But only for a while, until we went out the door. And there we are already waiting for melancholy and depression, which often appear as a payment for the desire to change life in a second, quickly and cheaply, and most importantly — do not suffer and do not strain.
In my years of professional experience, I have yet to meet a single person who would «eat» someone else’s idea of how to live and what to do, and then not be poisoned by it. When you are looking for an omniscient guide guru, how do you look at him? How old are you when you are «near» this person?
As a rule, you are next to him — a small child who saw a big and strong parent who will now take care of you and decide everything. Decide for yourself who knows best how to live your life? Are you or the conductor?
Toxic «drug»
«Magic Pills» confuse and drown out your own inner voice. But he is trying to guide you, you just need to try to hear him. After all, it is no accident that therapy is a subtle process that helps the client to notice his blind spots, determine precisely his desires and discover unfulfilled needs.
Believe me: the enthusiasm for other people’s ideas only looks like something harmless. But it can result in clinical depression, suicidal thoughts, and other life-complicating conditions.
This is especially susceptible to people who, due to various traumatic events of the past, have not formed an internal support and their own filter, which determines “what is good and what is bad.”
Access to your own dreams
The world has long been everything that we need and important. But sometimes we can’t get what we want so badly because we’re blocked from accessing our dreams. And there are two reasons for this.
- First, we do not fully understand our true desires and values.
- Secondly, we do not always know how to integrate our dream into the current reality.
I’ll give you an example. A woman sincerely wants to build a warm, close relationship with a man, but cannot do this, because in her life there was no experience of building a harmonious relationship. She was used to feeling abandoned and unwanted. And therefore, when a man appears on the horizon, she does not know how to behave with him. She loses this contact: she simply does not notice him or runs away.
The same thing happens with money. Someone easily finds access to them, because inside himself he is sure that he can earn them, he will not be “punished” or rejected for this. And someone simply does not see the very doors through which you can enter and get the desired money. Why? Because before his eyes — negative examples from the history of the family. Or there is an internal setting that rich people are bad, that they will always be punished for wanting to have more. And there are many such examples.
Your personal recipe
In order to change something in your life, you need to spend time and make efforts. This is the main «magic pill»!
If you want to lose weight and pump up your ass, eat right and do 50 squats a day regularly. If you want to learn a language, hire a tutor, watch movies with subtitles.
In order for the body to rebuild, the muscles to take on a different shape, or a new neural network is formed in the brain, one should act according to the formula “Time + Effort”.
And the same rule applies to changes in the psyche. If a person has lived for 25 years with the feeling that he is not important and not needed, then everything he undertakes will seem mediocre. And there can be no talk of any million-dollar profit and worldwide popularity gained after one hour of work according to the guru scheme.
It is in our power to learn to hear our true desires and act on the way to their implementation.
And even for a training session of a day, a week or a month, he will not be able to change this. This will take a year at best. But in general, to be honest, in order to change the attitude towards yourself, you will have to work hard for at least a couple of years.
In addition, it never happens that everything in our life becomes one hundred percent good even after long and persistent therapy. On the other hand, there is no such thing as being bad all the time. I have not seen a single person who could constantly maintain a joyful state or experienced incessant mental pain, without glimmers of hope.
We get tired, we go through age-related crises, we meet face to face with external, world problems. All this affects our condition. And it is impossible to find a balance once and for all! But it is in our power to learn to hear our true desires and do everything possible to make them come true.