Inside many of us, these phrases sometimes sound: “Why do others have something that I don’t have?”, “What makes me worse?”, “Yes, there is nothing special about them!”. We get angry, but rarely think about the psychological meaning of envy. Social psychologist Alexander Shakhov is sure that it is impossible to get rid of this feeling, but it can be useful to us.
If we search the Internet for the definition of envy, we will immediately find quotes from great thinkers. This is also «annoyance at someone else’s good or good,» according to Vladimir Dahl, the author of the most famous dictionary of the Russian language. This is «displeasure at the sight of someone else’s happiness and pleasure in his own misfortune,» in the words of the philosopher Spinoza. This is also what «lays the beginning of discord among people,» according to Democritus, an even more ancient philosopher.
Two approaches to someone else’s success
Every person has a natural desire to compare themselves with others. No matter how much we are told that it is bad, inefficient, and so on, it is impossible to get rid of this desire. But the most important thing here is how you deal with the result of such a comparison.
For example, someone has been more successful than you at work, school, personal life, or creating a beautiful figure, and you can admire them. Think: “This is great! If this person did it, then I can achieve the same.” And get a powerful charge of motivation on the way to what you want.
Envy causes a feeling of helplessness and is accompanied by a complex of negatively colored experiences.
Another option is to plunge into the abyss of envy, get bogged down in it deeper and deeper until it starts to destroy your psyche and life.
Anyone who compares themselves to others always asks the question: “Why do they have it and I don’t?” And, in the case of envy, he gives himself the answer: «Because I’m worse.» And if a person believes that he is worse, he begins to believe that he will never achieve what he wants. Therefore, the main motto of envy is: “Others have it, but I will never have it. I wish they didn’t have it either!»
Feel the difference with the earlier example of positive comparison, whose motto is: «Others have, and I will have.»
Hatred and self-destruction
Envy causes a feeling of helplessness and is accompanied by a complex of powerful negatively colored experiences. A person suffers because others have something that he needs, but is not available to him (as he himself thinks).
This emotional energy needs to be thrown out somehow, directed towards something. Therefore, often the envious person begins to hate the object of his envy instead of taking some action to change his own life.
However, openly expressed hatred would make it too obvious that a person is envious. Those around him would see him as petty, unsure of himself, they would understand that he had a bad character, they would laugh at him. Therefore, most envious people try to veil, disguise their real emotions.
What is the general scheme of the impact of envy on our psyche?
- It provokes the development of obsessive thoughts.
- Intrusive thoughts cause negative emotions.
- An envious person, torn apart by obsessive thoughts and negative emotions, becomes bilious (there is even an expression among the people “turned green with envy”). He conflicts with others, remains alone and socially isolated.
- A long stay in this state leads to neuroses and psychosomatic diseases, which are most often associated with the gallbladder, liver, intestines, and pancreas.
It’s about self-esteem
The most important thing here is the cause of envy. It stems from low self-esteem. The envious person does nothing to achieve the same as the object of his envy: he is afraid to act. He is afraid that he will not succeed, others will notice this and begin to treat him badly.
This is the main way to overcome envy. It is necessary to fight not with it as such — it will be much more effective to increase self-esteem. And then envy will become less and less likely to visit you.
You can truly admire others only by realizing your own value, uniqueness and originality.
After all, if you believe in yourself, in your significance, then, looking at other people’s achievements, you can see opportunities for your own growth. And the best cure for the poisonous effects of envy is sincere admiration for other people.
However, even here the question rests on self-esteem: you can truly admire others only by realizing your own value, uniqueness and uniqueness.
Thus, envy can be seen as a clear indicator that you need to work on your self-esteem. And then those “I want, but I definitely won’t get it” that caused you suffering will turn into “I want and I’ll definitely achieve it.”