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Sex may not always end in an orgasm. There are moments when a woman does not have such a desire: today, now, at this moment you do not want it. And this does not mean that something is wrong with you, the psychologist-sexologist assures.
Required program?
There is a common myth that sex without an orgasm is like a party without fun. And if one of the partners did not reach the enchanting finale, then everything was for fun. Because of this false belief, complications arise: either women have to fake an orgasm, or men have to feel guilty.
It is believed that we must reach the highest point of pleasure during each sexual intercourse. But it’s not! If the fireworks did not happen at the end, this does not mean that one of the partners failed. It’s just possible too. In sex, there are no concepts of “right” and “wrong”, “possible” and “impossible”. The main thing that he gives to both partners is pleasure and relaxation. And how you achieve them is your own business.
Everyone has their own story
Orgasm is a multifaceted thing, and we are all unique, so we get sexual release in different ways. In one case, this is the brightest story to the point of insanity, and in the other, it’s just a pleasant feeling, but this is quite enough.
Physiology plays a big role here. In sex, everything matters: how a woman has nerve endings in the vagina, the degree of tissue sensitivity, finding the most excitable points. For example, the G-spot is different for everyone: it can be high, low, or in the middle. That’s why it’s so important to know your body and feel free to explore it.
Masturbation helps some women to determine their erogenous zones: with its help it is easy to understand how different parts of the body react to touch, at what pace and with what intensity. And having got to know the body better, you can give hints to your partner, and not necessarily with words. He can be guided silently — just put his hand in the right direction. So the two together are looking for common ground.
In addition to physiology, the emotional side is also important. The coincidence of the psychological state of a man and a woman gives enchanting sensations, and the absence of a seemingly obligatory finale, on the contrary, additionally excites, excites partners, which allows you to experience even more vivid sensations next time.
So it is also possible!
Sex is also work, albeit incredibly pleasant. That is why we are not always ready for it. To achieve maximum pleasure and relaxation, it is important for a woman that “all the stars align”: time, place, atmosphere, physical condition — all this matters.
“Sometimes I don’t mind the light version of intimacy,” says 35-year-old Galina. — Kisses, hugs, light petting — this is enough for me to get a lot of positive emotions. But this clearly annoys my husband: he always tries to bring me to the final. I don’t know how to explain to him that this is optional. I end up faking an orgasm so as not to offend him.”
Orgasm often becomes a kind of marker for men: if a woman has experienced it, then she is satisfied, if not, then she has failed. On the one hand, such concern for the satisfaction of a partner is commendable. On the other hand, it only harms if it is directly related to the self-esteem of a man. This reaction is most likely rooted in the distant past, when it was believed that men needed sex more than women.
Then there is no need to talk. Very carefully, but still it is worth conveying the following thought to your partner: if you are not ready to fly to the seventh heaven at the end, this does not mean that you will be dissatisfied or something is wrong with him. And don’t forget to add: you don’t mind at all if he is determined to reach the climax. The sensations that a woman experiences when she brings her man to the desired discharge can be as strong as during an orgasm.
«I don’t know you yet, honey»
A separate story is the beginning of a relationship. It is perfectly normal if, at the stage of recognizing each other, sex passes without a bright final chord. So far, both the body and the psyche of both partners are in a certain stress. We rather concentrate on the pose, on how we look from the side, how sexy we look and how the new partner reacts to all this — we listen, we look, we try to read the signs. It is difficult to focus on the sensations, and even more so to achieve an orgasm. It all depends on how quickly you can relax and trust your partner.