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Sergi Rufi: “The mind is like a knife: it has various uses, some very useful and others very harmful”
Psychology
The psychologist Sergi Rufi publishes “A real psychology”, in which he tells how he transformed his suffering into well-being
Sergi Rufi He went around and around until he found what he wanted to do. Doctor, Master and BA in Psychology, Rufi practices alternative psychology, what he calls “real psychology.” Thus, through his training and experience, he tries to help others achieve well-being without remaining on the surface.
Just published “A real psychology” (Dome Books), a book, almost a biography, but partly also a guide, in which he tells his way to leave suffering behind. In an ultra-connected society, in which everyone we are apparently happy on social media, where we are increasingly overwhelmed by all the information we receive and we know less about ourselves is important,
as they say, knowing how to “separate the wheat from the chaff.” We spoke with Sergi Rufi at ABC Bienestar about this very thing: the imposition of happiness, the influence of the news and many of the fears that haunt us on a daily basis.
Why do you say that the mind can be an instrument of well-being, but also of torture?
It can be, or rather, it is, because no one has really taught us how the mind works, what it is, where it is, what we can expect from it. For us, the mind is something that is hidden from us and is built automatically, but in reality it is something very complex. We could say that the mind is like a knife: it has various uses, some very useful and others very harmful. The mind is the eternal unknown.
Why are we so afraid of loneliness? Is it a symptom of modern times?
I think loneliness is something that has always scared us, on a neurological level and on a biological level; we are designed to live in tribe, in herd. It is something complicated, and right now the media is promoting life as a couple and as a family. We do not see ads of people alone, who smile. There is a sociocultural construction that we see every day that criminalizes the fact of being alone.
So there is a stigma on loneliness, on being single …
Exactly, recently I saw in a magazine a story about a famous person, in which they said that he was happy, but something was still missing, because he was still single. Singleness is often treated as if it were a sentence, and not a choice.
He says in the book that rationality does not help us achieve mental well-being. Do we confuse rationalization with healing?
Rationalizing is all that we have been taught: to think, to doubt and question, but somehow later we are not able to know how we are, if we are well, how we are. These types of questions are more experiential, and many times we do not know how to solve them. Our thinking is automatic 80% of the time, and in this our experience intervenes, which many times, without our realizing it, slows us down. We cannot be all the time pending what thought tells us: we are a mixture of many things, and many times not everything is reason and logic. Friendship, love, my preferences for music, food, sex … are things that we cannot rationalize.
What do you mean when you say in the book that teachers abound in our lives, but not teachers?
The teacher has to do with someone who is dedicated to the function they are paid for, which is to transmit a text or an outline, and yet a teacher has to do with something more holistic. The teacher has to do with the most rational part, the left hemisphere, and the teacher with something more complete, with someone who thinks with both parts of the brain, who speaks of values with affection and respect. The teacher is more of a robot and a teacher is more human.
Is coaching dangerous?
El coaching Not in itself, but the business around it is. Courses of one or two months that make you think you are an expert … When there is a lack of a code of ethics, there are people who practice in professions that they do not control and in this case, you can go for help and end up worse. Behind all fashion you have to be suspicious. If something like this happens, there is usually an economic need, not a humanistic motivation. And in the case of coaching… to me someone is called life coach with 24 years, well and with 60, without having gone through many processes and inner work and crisis, it is complicated. I think that the life coach it should be someone just before tombstone time (Serie). The moment of having a job for the first time, the first couple, that they leave you, we must have an experience and not only have lived these things, but then have worked them.
Is Instagram transforming the dynamics of social relationships?
Instagram is a platform that promotes a short, selfish and front interaction. I speak in the book that there are two types of people who use this social network: people who always show themselves to be well and those who are more responsible. It is like the figure of the teacher and the teacher who commented: the first has a one-way use of Instagram, seeks to arouse envy and win many likes; the second has a more horizontal and less condescending communication. This showcase in the end ends up influencing, of course.
Does culture shape us as people?
Absolutely, we are cultural beings. For example, people constantly hum songs, and we must realize that music is not just melody, it is lyrics, it is a sad and happy timbre and this is building us. There is a consumer culture in which there is a certain trend, it is always a bit the same, but we feel that there is a product with which we fit. For example, the lyrics of Latin music; They are heard a lot and it is building us as people, it influences how we are.
Still, can artistic expression help us feel better, at peace with ourselves?
Of course it does, although if it makes us be at peace with ourselves, I don’t know … But it is a vehicle of communication, connection and catharsis, of expression. Although then you turn on the radio and the same song always plays, and many times in this type of artistic medium toxic love is recreated, the inner well, and returning to it again and again … it is difficult to get out of it if we relive it all days.
He speaks in the book of the new age Disney, what many call the “Mr. Wonderful effect” … Does the excessive cult of happiness weigh us down?
Yes, that search itself fuels an absolute need; If I’m looking for that, I don’t have it. It seems that until we perpetuate perfection, imposed aesthetic beauty, constant smiles, we will not be happy. I do not use the word happiness, because it is associated with this, which in the end is a product.
In reality, happiness may not be so complex, maybe it is something simpler, and that is why it escapes us, because what we have been taught is complexity and constant search.