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We are glad to welcome you, dear readers! Do you know what eristic is? This is a whole art that specializes in the conduct of disputes, which inevitably arise in the life of every person, especially if he has an active life position and claims to achieve his plans. So, there is a so-called Graham’s pyramid. It allows you to understand what the interlocutor is and what his goals are in order to most constructively resolve the conflict.
Some general information
By the way, eristic is divided into dialectic and sophistry. Dialectics was created by Socrates, and you can learn more about it by studying this article. And sophistry originated in Ancient Greece, and actively developed thanks to Protagoras, Critias, Prodicus, etc., and represents such logical tricks and tricks to win the argument. Paul Graham, our contemporary, decided to pay attention to the very classification of arguments in order to understand what opposition to choose and still constructively resolve the conflict.
Paul himself is a programmer and entrepreneur, he became noticeable after writing such popular essays as «How to start a startup» and «How to object correctly.» In 2008, he was recognized as one of the most influential people on the Internet. The total number of such people is 25 people. At least that’s what Bloomberg Businessweekk came up with.
The essence of the pyramid
Initially, Paul’s advice on how to deal with disputes was directed towards online correspondence. But they began to be actively used in ordinary live communication. The only difference is that while writing a message, a person has the opportunity to think and express his thoughts in the most clear, concise and accessible way. But in a conversation, you need to react instantly so as not to get into a mess.
By the way, based on Graham’s essay, you can determine what kind of person is in front of you. That is, suddenly a manipulator-tyrant came across who is not interested in truth, constructiveness, and so on, it is important for him to achieve his goal and cause you inconvenience. Or a provocateur who just wants to organize a skirmish. Or, suddenly you are lucky, and the person is focused on maintaining human, comradely relations and wants to find a way out of the situation together.
In the first and second cases, as you understand, there is no point in defending your truth, it does not interest anyone but you. The pyramid itself consists of those arguments that are most often used by those in conflict. And it is presented in the form of such steps, moving from bottom to top along which it is quite possible to achieve understanding and reduce the level of tension.
Classification
Below is a table, such a classification of rebuttals by commentators, and we will analyze each of its components in detail.
First step
The most commonly used, especially in situations where there is nothing to answer, then ordinary swearing comes to the rescue. As you already understood, the motive of the person who offends is the provocation of the interlocutor. Wanting him to get angry, lose his temper and then worry about his behavior and self-esteem. So, if you react in any way, you will give him a reason to continue to look for your vulnerabilities further.
The best solution would be to ignore, perhaps even a slight smile on your face. Control yourself, mentally switch off, as if «blocking» the provocateur and not receiving any more information from him. Having circled a little and realizing that humiliating you is a meaningless thing, he will stop his attacks, choosing a more «grateful» victim.
In support of you, I want to say that happy people who are doing well and who are fulfilled do not come up with the idea of making others unhappy. So, no matter how wonderful the interlocutor may seem, save your self-esteem, do not turn on. He does this because he is trying to assert himself so clumsily, and not because you are really wrong.
The second is the transition to personality
That is, they will try to focus on your shortcomings, mistakes, social class, character, nationality, priorities, and even marital status. Well, for example, what do you girl know about relationships if you yourself have not been married yet? The purpose of the transition to the individual is an attempt to «throw dust» in the eyes and get away from the very subject of the dispute, perhaps due to the fact that there are no longer worthy arguments.
With the help of devaluation, the opponent tries to show his superiority in the topic that he is so actively presenting, as if saying: «Well, what’s the point of continuing the conversation with you if you …?». And if this manipulation succeeds, then the goal is achieved, you lose your temper, get upset and leave to «heal» the wounds.
So you will have to act as in the first case, or ignore such statements, or agree if there is some truth in them, while reminding you of the subject of the conflict and delicately returning to it. Let’s say like this: «Yes, I agree, I have not been married yet, but this does not mean that I have no experience of a serious relationship, so let’s better discuss the issue with which we started.»
Third — claims to tone
When there is nothing to complain about, or you do not particularly respond to the above manipulations, the interlocutor may state that he does not like the tone that you have allowed towards him. This is the stage that gives a little hope that a compromise can be reached, especially if you really raised your voice.
Try to apologize and lower it, this will calm the opponent a little, to the point that he will perceive this action as the first step towards reconciliation, which will cause the tension to subside and the “sabers will be hidden”.
Fourth — nitpicking
Which arose, most likely, due to misunderstanding or the fact that the process itself is pleasant, a drag, so to speak. Yes, and this also happens, so a person, perhaps, receives attention to his person, and sprinkles questions like: “So what?”, “What kind of nonsense?” And so on.
Try to bypass them, in extreme cases, say that it is impossible to answer them due to the fact that they are not constructive and interfere with concentration. Let him try to formulate differently and to the point, if he is really interested in understanding the current incomprehensible situation. Otherwise, you will not come to any consensus.
Fifth — counterarguments
This step brings us closer to the successful completion of the dispute, as it makes it clear the interlocutor’s clear position, and this is already a foundation from which to build. But there are situations when counterarguments are also used for provocation, here you should be careful. Try to listen carefully to his opinion, and then say that you respect him, but in this situation you disagree a little, because …
Sometimes it really has common sense, you can also declare this. Then you will be in the position of a person who is able to hear and recognize the other, and this is disarming, as it makes it impossible to aggressively defend your position.
Sixth — a refutation in essence
This is already a claim for a beautiful and effective discussion, since the interlocutors speak a language that is accessible to each other. They want to be understood and understandable, so they give an opportunity to speak out and form a completely logical answer.
To achieve this, it is important to give recognition to the opponent, saying that in some way he is really right, but you would like to clarify the point at which there are differences …
Seventh — crystal clear rebuttal
The top, which is not so common and shows a high level of development, both intellect and spiritual, moral qualities. It is necessary, in addition to explaining the essence of your judgments, to give examples, referring to facts that can prove your case.
Sources must be reliable and not cause suspicion, then your position will not be doubtful, but will cause respect. If you correspond, then it would be useful to reset the link to the original source confirming the correctness of your position. In this case, the attempt to discover the truth will be really useful for both parties, promoting and developing.
Conclusion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! To strengthen and replenish knowledge, I recommend to look at the article “The main differences and ways to resolve destructive and constructive conflicts.” Take care of yourself and loved ones, as well as victories in disputes!