Parting as an everyday circumstance, as a reality — a decision that further life together is inappropriate, physical removal (separation, termination of contacts) and termination of relations. Parting does not always end with the complete cessation of any relationship between people. It happens that parting turns out to be a stage towards the transition of relationships to a new qualitative level.
For people who tend to worry, a breakup is a rich, beloved tale, accompanied by deep feelings, usually of a negative nature. People usually begin to feel sadness, guilt, gratitude, love, and other vivid emotions. The one from whom they leave begins to be called «outcast», which in the existing cultural tradition is considered a big blow to the pride and self-esteem of a person. «Parting» is a popular theme in art and literature.
Parting is what is understood and called by people as parting. There are no physical circumstances that determine “there is a separation” or not. If a loved one went on a business trip for a month, a year or more, but writes and loves, there is no parting, people have not parted. If the lover said: “That’s it, we are breaking up!”, But at the same time he is also a work colleague, according to the fairy tale, there is a separation, although contacts continue.
Why do people break up? Because we change, because life changes. Sometimes parting is natural, understandable and easy, sometimes tragic and painful.
It is important to analyze the reasons for the breakup, if initially both parties were set up for a long-term relationship.
One of the reasons for parting is the deception of expectations. We were waiting for a miracle, drawing a fairy tale in our fantasy — but it turned out … Dirty dishes, noisy children, a tired husband … Where does this fairy tale come from? The period of acquaintance is the period of capture: everyone tries to show their best sides and hide their worst. And that is true: after all, if you show your laziness now, the other half will run away — you get a fairy tale, beautiful and having nothing to do with reality. The fairy tale ends with the beginning of a life together: where very earthly questions arise about who will wash the dishes, take out the bucket, take the dog for a walk. She firmly believes that this is his duty, and he — that of hers.
Another reason for breaking up is that people change at different rates. Over time, people change their views, values and other characteristics. Everyone develops in their own way and, after a while, both people become completely different from what they were at the beginning of the relationship. In order to be together further, these «new» people need to constantly re-learn to understand each other. Before parting, one of the partners changes his views so much that the other is outside the zone of his interests. So, for example, it happens with some couples in which one of the partners suddenly began to earn much more money, got into a different environment, made new acquaintances and did not want (could not) introduce a loved one into this circle of interests.
Loving is happiness, even if you broke up.
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Can breakups be avoided? — Sometimes yes. If you are dear to each other, everything is real. It happens that one goes forward without stopping, and then this becomes a prerequisite for parting. But there is another option: one goes forward, but stops and takes the other by the hand. For successful and stable couples, this is exactly what happens. This does not mean at all that one is developing, and the other is constantly keeping up with it. These roles are constantly changing. The important thing is that both always help each other to develop.
What to do after a breakup? Lovers of suffering will do their favorite thing, that is, suffer (see How to suffer from unhappy love), more mature people will start doing their own thing and build new relationships: life goes on. It is useful to remember that the most important thing in this state is any creative actions and communication with intelligent people!
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.