A person with narcissistic personality disorder has a lot in common with someone who is simply confident. However, there are also fundamental differences. Let’s try to figure out what they are.
In a sense, everyone has narcissistic traits. Problems arise when they take precedence over other qualities and character traits.
Self-confidence and self-respect help to cope with difficulties and not lose the presence of mind. Possessing them, we soberly assess our capabilities, but at the same time we believe in others and wish them good luck. And our self-esteem does not suffer from this. But can we say that people with narcissistic personality disorder have high self-esteem? And what is the difference between narcissism and healthy self-confidence?
Here are three main parameters that you should study in order to understand the difference.
1. Attitude towards yourself
Narcissism begins in early childhood, when a child either does not receive unconditional love and acceptance from adults, or becomes an «idol» in his own family. Growing up, in both cases he needs “feeding”: he is constantly trying to make up for the lack of love and adoration, he does not feel satisfied without “strokes” from others. He considers himself inferior, suffers from anxiety and fits of anger. Narcissists are prone to depression and feel vulnerable.
And for someone who is simply confident in himself, self-esteem is based not on other people’s praise, but on a realistic view of his knowledge and skills. He believes that if he tries, he will achieve everything. He explains failures by a lack of experience, tries to understand the cause of the error and eliminate it, without collapsing from the slightest oversight.
2. Relationships with others
The narcissist is almost always in a codependent relationship. Often he uses the weaknesses of others to subdue them and force them to play by his own rules. For example, a leader with narcissistic personality disorder will require subordinates to follow the rules he has invented, which he also constantly changes.
He praises himself and demands that the others also sing his praises. He is unpredictable, it is impossible to understand what can actually calm him down, what he might like. In marriage, the narcissist constantly breaks agreements, for example, he can cheat, blaming his partner for his misdeeds.
A person with high self-esteem most often refers to people from the position: «I’m good, you’re good» rather than «I’m good, you’re bad.» He believes that if he succeeds, then each person can take his place under the sun, if he tries hard. Such people make excellent leaders who develop their subordinates, and do not suppress or intimidate them. In family life, self-confident people do not need constant confessions and roller coasters, their love is even and warm, they always keep their word.
3.Features of a career
Both a narcissist and a person with high self-esteem can achieve success in the profession. True, the ways to climb the career ladder will be different.
If the first “forces and punishes”, then the second one motivates, inspires and gives adequate feedback. Subordinates are uncomfortable with a narcissistic leader, and the narcissist himself is uncomfortable in relationships with himself. It’s good when he understands this and asks for help. But this rarely happens. Narcissistic personality disorder is difficult to compensate for.
An employee with adequate self-esteem, unlike a narcissist, can establish healthy relationships with others, it is easy and convenient to work with him. He does not assert himself at the expense of newcomers and does not intrigue older ones. He knows his own worth, but does not devalue the achievements of others.
* The Dark Triad of personality: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy