Is the first experience always disappointing?

There are always many hopes for the “first time”: we are glad that we were able to establish a special relationship, we want to receive confirmation of the partner’s love and prove our own. Moreover, this transition “to the point” will help us assess our readiness to leave the childish world for the adult, to establish ourselves in this world, primarily with the help of the body, which should indicate here the measure of its maturity. To decide on sex, we need to imagine with all clarity what can happen and what will happen, and this idealization of ours will inevitably collide with reality. This transition marks the opening of new opportunities rather than real achievements: it is still too early to talk about real adult independence. After the first sex, it seems to us that, in fact, nothing has changed either in our attitude towards ourselves, or in the way adults see us. We haven’t abandoned our childhood, we haven’t assuaged our anxiety, we haven’t gotten rid of our addictions.

But the first sex turns our ideas about attraction and love relationships upside down and raises new questions for us. The farther, the more clearly we understand: it takes time for our sexuality to blossom and take its place in our lives. And when we reach maturity, this period will seem like just a promise of what is yet to be achieved. However, to consider that the first sex always turns into a disappointment is to consider it only from the point of view of «efficiency». At the same time, we forget that the sexual act, no matter how it happens, is always an impulse, a path, self-creation and creativity. Do we consider the first, timid and clumsy steps of a child to be ridiculous and not worthy of hope just because he still cannot run, overcome obstacles or participate in marathons? Of course, while he is walking, constantly stumbling, but just look into his shining eyes to realize the scale of his victory over anxiety and fear of falling. Having taken the first steps, he ventured to throw off the props of the baby in order to become a child, to embark on this adventure that will lead him into adulthood, where he will meet with the unknown. He enjoys the fact that he goes by himself, and this joy does not at all close him in his awkwardness, but, on the contrary, portends a future take-off. The child rejoices at the possibilities that he intuitively anticipates. The first steps, promising many others in the future, allow us to anticipate new, brighter pleasures and discoveries.

So our first time — no matter how it was, no matter how it ended, no matter how we formed an idea of ​​uXNUMXbuXNUMXbour abilities as a result — it is always a precious experience. It is only necessary to recognize the importance of this step into the unknown, this attempt at freedom, this beginning of a new life project.

Our first sexual experience is not an end in itself. Even our awkwardness cannot cancel the greatness of our intentions, which in no way can be reduced to obstacles and disappointments on the way.