is it worth scolding a child for school grades
Family psychologist Boris Sednev discusses whether parents should pay attention to failures.
“At school there were once two grades: he was in time and he was not in time,” recalled Robert Rozhdestvensky in his poem “210 steps”. Now everything is a little more complicated. One thing is invariable: for some parents, a bad grade becomes a real tragedy. “You can do more”, “Who are you so lazy at”, “Lazy person”, “Your task is to study, and you sit all day on the phone”, “You’ll go to work as a janitor” – parents often throw in their hearts, looking into the diary.
Why does the child study poorly?
Some moms and dads apply sanctions to children, others run to deal with teachers, demanding “justice”. And how to respond correctly to grades so as not to completely discourage the child from learning and not to spoil relations with teachers?
Our expert, clinical psychologist, head of the Sednev Psychological Center Boris Sednev believes that there are several objective reasons on which the academic performance of children depends. For example, how well the student has learned the subject, how confidently he answers at the blackboard, how does he cope with anxiety when completing written assignments.
Relationships with peers and teachers can also affect learning. It often happens that a child becomes a C grade when there is no motivation to learn, he does not understand why it is worth studying a particular subject.
“I am a humanitarian. Physics will not be useful to me in my life, why would I waste time on it, ”- a typical monologue of a high school student who has already decided that he will enter the Faculty of Law.
Of course, we must not forget about the atmosphere in the family. It is the parents who often become the reason that the child ceases to be interested in learning.
It is clear that you will be upset if a child starts to drag two and three from school one after the other. Fighting this is probably still worth it. But you need to know how – swearing will definitely not help here.
First, the it must be understood that the assessment has nothing to do with the personality of the child. Because he does not study well, he did not become a bad person, you still love him.
Secondly, you can not hang labels: you got a deuce, which means you are a loser, you got an five – a hero and a cool guy.
Thirdly, estimates should be treated consistently. Parents should have a clear position based on objective factors. Let’s say you know for sure that a child has aptitude for mathematics, but because of his own laziness, he began to receive twos and threes. So it’s worth pushing. And if it has always been unimportant to you what his grades are in the subject, then “suddenly” you will not be able to start nagging the child for the marks – he simply will not understand what you are.
FourthlyDon’t debrief for academic performance when you’re in trouble at work.
Fifth, do without scary stories about your own student years. Your negative school experiences, memories, and fears shouldn’t affect your child’s attitude toward grades.
And one more thing: if you are worried that the child will certainly fail the test, will not surrender and grab two, he can easily consider your inner state. Count – and mirror. Then there will definitely be bad grades. Calm yourself first, then take up the study of your son or daughter.
First of all, it is to build a trusting relationship with the child. This, of course, is worth doing long before entering school.
The child needs to be accepted and loved for who he is. True, here you need to share your attitude towards the child and his achievements. And to make it clear to the kid: he is separate, assessments – separately.
It is much easier to learn and get positive marks on the results if you relate to them easier. Remove unnecessary importance and unnecessary stress. One of the effective techniques here will be to treat the assessment as a game. This attitude can be compared with some sports, computer games, films, cartoons or books, where you need to go through new levels and earn points. Only in the case of studies, to get more points, you need to do your homework.
Show a genuine interest in what the child has learned. Try to encourage the child to think. For example, in what area can the acquired knowledge be applied, etc. Such conversations can help form an interest in a subject or particular knowledge. This can be important, especially considering that the school itself does not always pay enough attention to this. In this case, grades are perceived as a pleasant bonus or as a temporary failure.
A reward for an A is the first thing that comes to mind for all parents who dream of making a child an excellent student or a good student.
“It is worth distinguishing between intangible (time at the computer or other gadgets, watching TV, walking with friends, etc.) and monetary incentives. The first approach has certain advantages: the child does his homework, tries to get good grades, and at the same time regulates the time spent at the computer, watching TV, etc. However, as the child grows up, such control gradually turns into quarrels and conflicts. ” says Boris Sednev.
Parents, not realizing that they are facing a teenager, try to introduce even more restrictions than only exacerbate the situation.
Money is also a popular form of motivation. However, even despite the “payment of grades”, the child can still lose interest in learning. Indeed, in the absence of true, internal motivation for the activity being performed, even an adult gradually loses interest in the quality of work.
“It is worth considering all the advantages and disadvantages of material incentives not in isolation, but rather in conjunction with other family values related to the acquisition of knowledge, education and attitude towards the child in the family. And the most important thing should always be the unconditional acceptance of the child and a genuine interest in knowledge and self-development, ”the psychologist concludes.