Every parent thinks about this aspect of a child’s life. Sometimes you really want to get involved in this process! Let’s try to answer some questions for ourselves.
Is it worth it to specially select friends for the child?
The famous American psychologist H. J. Ginott thinks so. Moreover, parents should orient the child towards friendship with those who are not like him. From his point of view, such friendship will help the child acquire the qualities that he lacks. For example: he is overly excitable, cannot concentrate on anything, often changes hobbies. This means that it is useful for him to communicate with calm children who have stable interests. Or: he cannot defend his opinion, he is too dependent on others. It is necessary to advise him to be friends with self-confident, independent guys. The aggressive will learn to restrain his impulses if he is often in the company of soft, benevolent children. Etc.
Of course, this point of view is correct. But we must also take into account the age of the child to whom we “pick up” a friend, and his ability to influence other children. What if the prospective friend fails to make the fighter quieter, but just the opposite happens? In addition, it is not easy to find a common language for children with such different traits. For example, a shy child who is used to being the ringleader in a children’s company. It takes a lot of adult effort. And it is worth remembering that children’s friendship is valuable not only for its educational effect.
What if the child brings into the house or begins to be in the company of children that are unpleasant to you?
If their behavior does not yet hurt you personally or harm your son or daughter, you should refrain from quick and drastic measures.
- Take a closer look at new friends, take an interest in their inclinations and habits.
- Try to understand what their features attract your child.
- Evaluate the degree of influence of new friends on your child.
Either way you can to tell your opinion. Naturally, somehow substantiating it, but without boring moralizing and notations. And not in a gu.e.y and peremptory form (“I won’t let your Pashka on the threshold anymore!”). Rather, it can achieve quite the opposite effect. And besides, the child will inevitably learn from his own mistakes, we will not be able to go this way for him. Easy victories should be alarming when the child fully agrees with your opinion with whom to be friends. You don’t want such dependence in any matters of his life to interfere with him in the future, do you?
In the main, Dr. Ginott is right: «It is necessary to very delicately adjust the views of the child on the friends he chooses: he is responsible for his choice, and we are responsible for supporting him in this.»