Contents
“Everything is falling apart”, “I don’t know what to do”, “I’m taking it out on loved ones” — these are just a few that can now be heard from acquaintances and strangers. What is the reason for this state and how to get out of it?
What is happening to me?
These days, in the current circumstances, our need for security is violated — a basic human need, according to Maslow’s pyramid. Something threatens our life, and the brain cannot think of anything else, because survival is a priority. And the fear of losing life is the most ancient, most powerful animal fear.
Fear is a natural reaction of the body to a difficult external situation, which the psyche recognizes as dangerous. There are three reactions to fear: hit, run, freeze. Hence the panic, an obsessive desire to do something, to run somewhere, a strong heartbeat (run!). There are many feelings here: aggression, anger, irritation, the search for the guilty, breakdowns in loved ones (hit!). Or, on the contrary, apathy, a desire to lie down, weakness, impotence (freeze!).
But anxiety is different.
It differs from fear in the absence of an object, when we are afraid not of something specific, but of uncertainty. When there is no confidence in the future, there is no information, it is not known what to expect.
From the point of view of cognitive behavioral therapy, the brain is responsible for our destructive behavior and for the feeling of fear and anxiety. He sees the threat and issues orders throughout the body — signals that, in his understanding, will lead to our survival.
If we greatly simplify, then the following chain works:
The thought is «my life is in danger.»
Feeling or emotion — fear or anxiety.
Sensation in the body — palpitations, tremors in the hands, clamps.
Behavior — erratic actions, panic.
By changing thoughts, we can change the whole chain. Our task is to replace destructive thoughts with constructive ones. The best thing we can do is to calm down, “get out” of the state of fear, and only then act.
It’s easy to say. But how to do that?
Deal with emotions
You have the right to experience any emotions and feelings. Anger. Fear. Hatred. Irritation. Anger. Impotence. Helplessness. There are no bad and good feelings. All of them are important. And what you feel is wonderful. It means you are alive. Another question is how to express feelings adequately to the situation. Here the main rule is not to keep them in yourself!
Try to draw your fear.
A good psychological exercise is a metaphor. Imagine your fear. What is he? What does it look like? Maybe some object or creature? Consider it from all sides. Think what you can do with it? Reduce, modify, tame. For example, if it looks like a huge yellow cold frog that presses on the chest, then you can reduce it, warm it up a little, put it in your pocket so that it doesn’t croak. Can you feel your fear getting under control?
Turn on the music and dance your emotions. Everything you feel, all your thoughts.
If there is a lot of anger, think of a way to direct it in an environmentally friendly way: beat a pillow, chop wood, wash the floors, play drums. Do not harm yourself or others.
Sing or shout.
Read consonant songs or poems.
Crying is a good way to let your emotions out.
Go in for sports. Run, swim, work on the simulator, hit the punching bag. Walk in circles around the house. Anything, the main thing is to move and release adrenaline so that it does not accumulate and destroy the body from the inside.
If you feel that you are not coping, contact a psychologist. Even one consultation can sometimes greatly alleviate the condition.
Look for support
First and foremost: are you alive? It’s already a lot. Is your life in danger right now? If not, that’s great. You can move on.
Write a worst-case scenario. Put it aside and come up with a plan B. No, you’re not escalating the situation. Having a plan will give you confidence and calm your subconscious mind. It is no longer an unknown. You know what you will do if things go wrong.
Find a source of information or a person whose opinion you trust. I don’t know how to do it right, but it’s definitely easier to accept some point of view and compare the rest of the facts with it. But this, of course, is not the only strategy.
Look for a foothold in your values. This is something we can definitely believe in. Peace, love, respect for boundaries — one’s own and those of others. Self-identity. All of these can be starting points against which all incoming information can be verified.
Try to assess where we are in terms of history? All this has already happened. And everything repeats again. Agree, there is a certain element of stability in repetition. And this is something that you can try to rely on.
Compare with the past. Sometimes the thought that “we are not the first, we are not the last” helps. Our grandparents survived the war and the difficult post-war years. Our parents survived into the 90s. They were definitely worse.
Accept what is happening. There are things in the world that we cannot change. Not everything is under our control. It’s sad, scary, terribly unpleasant, painful. It’s annoying, annoying, infuriating. But it is so. When you admit that you are not omnipotent, you can look around: what can I do anyway?
It turns out a lot. First, I can be responsible for myself, for my condition and my actions. Secondly, I can do something for my family and loved ones. Thirdly, I can choose the environment. Whom to listen to, whom to communicate with.
start doing something
Just start doing something. The main thing is not to multiply chaos.
For many, to calm down, you need to immerse yourself in monotonous physical labor. Come up with a specific measurable case. Wash the floor, sort things in the closet, wash the windows, bake pancakes, throw out old children’s toys, transplant flowers, paint the walls, sort out the papers in the desk.
Do it carefully and efficiently from start to finish, until you get the result. It is important that this is a physical action. Such that the brain is busy.
Some buy groceries for a rainy day, convert rubles into dollars, or apply for dual citizenship
This is a good psychological trick — this is how we «buy» ourselves security. Perhaps we will never use the “stash”, but this symbolic gesture is enough for the brain to calm down and start working normally. Do something to help you feel like you’re in control.
In my opinion, a good way to cope with stress is to live a normal life. Engage in everyday routine: do exercises, make the bed, cook breakfast, walk the dog, go for a manicure, go to bed on time. Mode is stability. And stability is just what the body needs to survive stress. Let him understand: I am alive, I am doing ordinary things, so everything is fine, life goes on.
Reach out to the body
Touch yourself. Hug yourself. Strongly. You have yourself.
Breathe. Right now, take a deep breath in and slowly exhale through your mouth. And so 3 times. Breathing practices are simple and good in that they slow us down, return us to the body.
Practice yoga. Pilates. Do simple stretching exercises. Go for a massage. In general, do whatever relaxes and stretches the body, removes the clamps and spasms caused by stress.
Drink plenty of water. Go to the sauna, shower or take a bath. Just wash with cold water.
Sleep. There is a rule: in any incomprehensible situation, go to bed. Not because you wake up and stressful events are gone (but I would like to). Just sleep is the best way to restore the psyche from stress.
Ground yourself. Walk barefoot on the ground if possible. Stand on two legs. Feel the stability.
Meditate. You need to break the circle of destructive thoughts and clear your head.
Do not separate from others
Be with people. Talk. Share your fears. Remember the cartoon about the kitten: «Let’s be afraid together?». Together, and the truth is not so scary. But please be considerate of the feelings of others.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you feel bad, you can’t cope, then somewhere there are definitely people who can help.
Help others. Perhaps the people around you also need help or just support. Ask them about it. There is a psychological secret: when you help someone, you feel stronger.
If you are with children, the first thing to do is to take care of your mental state. Remember the rule: first the mask for yourself, then for the child.
Control the info field
Above, I wrote that it is important to talk about your fears. Now I will give almost the opposite advice: don’t listen to those who push. Who broadcasts that everything will be even worse, who sows panic. These people live their fear this way, but you have nothing to do with it. If you feel your anxiety getting worse, leave. Don’t listen, don’t communicate. Take care of yourself.
Limit the flow of incoming information. It makes no sense to check the news feed every five minutes — it only adds to the anxiety.
Check the information. There is a lot of fake news and propaganda on the internet from both sides. Ask yourself: where does the news come from? Who is author? How much can you trust?
Don’t forward messages if you’re not sure. Ask yourself the question: what will be added to the world if I forward or write this message? Make an informed choice.
Do not sow panic and do not fall for provocations. You are not required to accept any point of view.
If you are a blogger, a psychologist, a journalist, a yoga instructor, a department director, a teacher, a house committee, a mother… In a word, if you have an impact on at least some audience, then it is in your power to do something that will help other people to calm down and feel stability . Broadcast, post a meditation, write an article or post. Do what you always do.
Peace to all — internal and external!