How to stop being good and be happy

The “goodness” virus is insidious. It infects us imperceptibly, masquerading as safety rules and moral and ethical standards. And now it seems to us that wearing red lipstick is just as wrong as crossing the road at a red light. That refusing to work overtime is as criminal as evading first aid.

Millions of alien points of view and sidelong glances swarm above us like a whirlwind of annoying insects. But for some reason we don’t give up. On the contrary, we try to please them all, moving further and further away from ourselves. But there is a way out.

Step one: face the truth

Take a piece of paper and draw a line. Put “0” at the beginning of the line, “100” at the end. Now close your eyes and think about whether you are a happy person. When you open your eyes, honestly put a point on the scale – note the level of your happiness.

Assess the distance from zero to the point – how many percent of your true “I” is manifested in your life. And then from a point to 100 – this is a load of third-party assessments and beliefs.

Trying to live up to someone’s expectations is exhausting. And the eternal choice between “right” and “wrong” does not leave any space and time for happiness. But if we look at the scale, we will see that formally the recipe for happiness is very simple: you need to increase the percentage of your “I” and reduce other people’s influence.

Step two: get to know yourself better

Make a list of things that would make you happier. Let’s start with five points. Now remember a time when you were truly happy.

How did you react then, physically and emotionally? Maybe you were overwhelmed by a wave of joy. Maybe you laughed and sang, or maybe you smiled silently. Maybe they felt how their shoulders straightened and the body gained lightness. Maybe you wanted to run somewhere or dance. Think and record these feelings.

Go back to your list and read the first item. Imagine that you got what you wanted. How does your body respond? Do you feel anything that you just remembered? Run every desire through this filter. And you will learn a little more about what you really need.

Step Three: Deriving Your Formula for Happiness

Look back at your life and your accomplishments. What do you have from bingo “happy person”? Family, children, car, apartment, higher education, career, travel, good relations with neighbors and colleagues…

Divide these elements of a “happy life” into two columns. The first will be what you came to of your own free will. In the second – what appeared from the outside. In brackets, try to indicate who decided that it would be better for you?

Now think about it: if you could change any of the items in the second column, what would you do? Would you be in a hurry to get married? Went to study for another specialty? Would you like to be creative instead of working in an office? Would you change your social circle and country?

When doing this task, be bold. Believe me, no one – not your parents, not your boss, not your girlfriend, not even the commentators on Instagram – knows what bricks your happiness is made of. This is only your area of ​​responsibility.

Step Four: Face Your Fears

Often we do not change anything in our “correct” and “good” life, not because we do not want to. But because we are afraid that we will be rejected, ridiculed, condemned. But going where it’s scary is one of the best opportunities for growth and development.

Think about what you really want to do, but slow down because you are afraid of someone else’s reaction. Choose two or three points and do it today. It is not necessary to start something global. Maybe you have a dress gathering dust in your closet that you don’t dare to wear. Or you really want to sing karaoke. Or you have accumulated thoughts for a whole post on Instagram. Or you just want to go somewhere with your husband without children.

Take action! If you hear: “I didn’t expect this from you!”, You are on the right track.

Step five: be yourself

The phrase “be yourself” today can be heard from every iron. And sometimes it seems like it doesn’t make any sense. Or that the meaning is very primitive – do not change, do not work on yourself, do not set goals, lie on your couch, eat pizza … In general, be yourself.

Being yourself means acknowledging your uniqueness and your right to choose. And to make this choice not from the standpoint of generally accepted goodness, but from the standpoint of inner lightness. No matter how logical and correct the decision may seem to you, if you feel it as a stone around your neck and heaviness in your body, it is hardly yours. Remember this and be yourself.

Of course, the road to yourself and your happiness is not limited to five consecutive steps. You will go through them again, sometimes going back and making a wrong turn. You will be surprised and look reproachfully after you. You may even regret your lost convenience. But one day, once again putting an end to that same scale of happiness, you will be very surprised at how far it has moved to the right edge.