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The books of the American psychologist Dale Carnegie became for many Russians a source of first knowledge in the field of psychology. And the idea that one can succeed in any business only thanks to a smile seemed incredible to the gloomy inhabitants of the post-Soviet space. However, over time, Carnegie’s theories have lost relevance. Why did this happen?
Country of advice
Hungry for «forbidden literature,» we read Carnegie’s books at a time when his popularity in the United States had long outlived its heyday. His most important works, How to Win Friends and Influence People and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, appeared in America in the first half of the 1936th century: in 1948 and XNUMX, respectively.
In summary, the ten tips from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living are as follows:
- Learn to draw a clear line between the past and the future, leaving the door to the past closed.
- Pre-imagining and re-enacting a situation where the worst could happen and thinking of a way out of it.
- Learn positive thinking and positive action.
- Always keep in mind that when we are nervous, we harm our own health.
- In case of anxiety and anxiety, engage yourself in a business that will allow you to relax and forget about the cause of anxiety.
- Remember: the likelihood that trouble will happen to you is extremely small.
- Do not “saw sawdust”, that is, do not relive the troubles from the past again and again, but accept them and let them go.
- Do not get upset because of small troubles, just not noticing them.
- Set a «limiter» for your anxiety and worry.
- Do not focus on yourself: think more about others, help people, do good deeds.
“I’ve had to refer to the work of Dale Carnegie more than once, but since then I’ve read so many books on personality development that I forgot a lot,” says 49-year-old Christina. — However, some of his advice — for example, from the book «How to Stop Worrying and Start Living», I still use. They help me overcome doubts, anxiety, cope with unpleasant memories and difficult life situations.”
In general, there is really nothing sharply negative in such advice. However, if you have depression or another difficult internal condition, it is unlikely that any of the professional psychologists will recommend that you cope with it with the help of positive thinking and good deeds.
Masks show
Carnegie argued that to be happy, you need to succeed in the profession, which means being able to speak to the public, charming business partners and forcing any person to do what you need.
“Basically, Carnegie teaches immoral things – manipulating people for your own benefit,” says 35-year-old Daria. “To say what they want to hear is hypocrisy. So, if these books made someone pleasant and popular, then the person himself did not change, but only hid his intentions under a mask for the sake of profit.
Modern psychologists largely adhere to a similar point of view.
“Carnegie’s main idea is “smile, you will be liked by others, and success awaits you,” but if you communicate only as he advises, then you need to constantly hide behind a facade, explains psychologist, gestalt therapist Sofya Pushkareva. — If you are friendly from the very beginning, you can establish contact with another person, reduce tension and create conditions for further communication. But if you continue in the same spirit and further, then this is a direct path to neurosis.
The main thing is to perceive ourselves as we are, and allow different feelings to be. After all, it’s impossible to please everyone.
The main message of Carnegie is the rejection of one’s own «I» in order to make communication with other people more effective. In life, this method is quite applicable: it is worth giving up your own opinion in a conversation and constantly restraining yourself, as the interlocutor will do everything you need. However, is it worth saying how it affects the psyche? After all, negative emotions that do not find a way out accumulate and become a cause of stress.
“It turns out that we are not living our own life, but someone else’s: generally accepted, normal,” continues the psychologist. “Therefore, as a result of such communication, there is a feeling of dissatisfaction, loss of oneself.”
«Smile!» is Dale Carnegie’s most frequently repeated piece of advice. The smiling man from Carnegie’s «picture» really has everything: family, work, success. However, there seems to be no happiness and joy: instead of them — loneliness and depression.
“It is important to smile, just like being angry or crying, when you feel like it. The main thing is to perceive ourselves as we are, and allow different feelings to be. After all, it’s still impossible to please everyone, ”concludes Sofya Pushkareva.