Contents
We can be aware of our emotions, ideally manage them. But planning them… It seems that this is beyond fantasy. How can we predict what occurs without our conscious participation? It turns out that this is not difficult if you have a special skill.
We are not capable of directly influencing the emergence of emotions. It’s a biological process, like digestion, for example. But after all, every emotion is a reaction to an event or action, and we can plan our actions. We are able to do things that are guaranteed to cause certain experiences. Thus, we will plan the emotions themselves.
What’s wrong with traditional planning
We tend to set goals based on results. Get a diploma, buy a car, go on vacation to Paris. What emotions will we experience in the process of achieving these goals? In the usual picture of the world, this is not important. What matters is what we end up with. This is what normal targeting looks like.
We all know that a goal should be specific, achievable and motivating. We are ready in advance that on the way to it, most likely, you will have to face difficulties and limit yourself in some way. But when we reach it, we will finally experience positive emotions — joy, pleasure, pride.
We associate the achievement of goals with a sense of happiness.
And if not? What if we make a lot of efforts to achieve the goal, but we don’t experience the expected emotions? For example, after months of training and dieting, will you reach your desired weight, but will you not become more confident or happier? And continue to look for flaws in yourself? Or you will be promoted, but instead of the expected pride, you will experience stress and will not be able to do what you liked in your last position.
We associate the achievement of goals with the feeling of happiness. But usually the joy is not as strong as we expected, and ends quickly. We set a new goal for ourselves, raise the bar and look forward to experiencing the emotions we wanted again. And so endlessly.
In addition, more often than not, we do not achieve what we were striving for. If there are doubts and inner fears behind the goal, albeit a very desirable one, then logic and willpower are unlikely to help overcome them. The brain will again and again find the reasons why it is dangerous for us to achieve it. So sooner or later we will give up. And instead of joy, we get a feeling of guilt that we did not cope with the task.
Set goals or live with feeling
Danielle Laporte, author of Live with Feeling. How to set goals for which the soul lies” came to the method of emotional planning by accident. On the eve of the New Year, she and her husband wrote the usual list of goals for the year, but realized that something was missing from it.
All goals seemed great, but not inspiring. Then, instead of writing down external goals, Daniella began to discuss with her husband how they would like to feel in different areas of life.
It turned out that half of the goals did not bring the emotions they wanted to experience. And the desired emotions do not have to be received in just one way. For example, a trip on vacation is important for new impressions, the opportunity to get distracted and spend time alone with a loved one. But if you can’t go to Paris yet, why not experience more affordable joy by spending a weekend in a nearby city?
Daniella’s goals have changed beyond recognition and no longer look like a boring to-do list. Each item was associated with pleasant emotions and filled with energy.
Set a course for emotions
Goal planning often gets you off course. We do not hear our true desires and achieve what our parents want or what is considered prestigious in society. We focus on not being unhappy, and as a result, we strive all our lives for things that do not make us happy.
We have to adhere to strict time management and do unpleasant things that take energy and demotivate us to move on. We initially focus on the result, which may disappoint.
Emotions work much more efficiently than willpower
That is why emotional planning works much more effectively. We prioritize how we want to feel. Energetic, confident, free, happy. These are our true desires, which cannot be confused with others, they fill with motivation, give strength for action. We see what needs to be worked on. And we focus on the process that we control.
So, plan the emotions you want to experience, and then make your to-do lists based on them. To do this, answer 2 questions:
- What emotions do I want to fill the day, week, month, year?
- What do you need to do, get, buy, where to go to feel what I recorded?
Each business from the new list will give energy and resources, and at the end of the year you will not just see ticks in front of the goals. You will experience the emotions you longed for.
This does not mean that you will stop striving for something more, getting a portion of joy from a cup of tea and your favorite book. But you will begin to hear your true desires, fulfill them and do it with pleasure, and not “through I can’t.” You will have enough strength to act and easily achieve what previously seemed impossible. You will see that emotions work much more efficiently than willpower.
Your life will change. There will be more truly pleasant and happy events in it. And you will manage them yourself.