We would like to move to another city, change jobs, finally play sports and get in shape. And every time there are good excuses to carry out this plan a little later. How to change it?
“When I go somewhere, I am always late. Then at the last moment I take out my usual jeans and a sweater, I collect my hair in a ponytail. I look at myself in the mirror and every time I think — well, I just can’t get my hair done with a new curling iron and pick up other clothes. There is no time, then there is no reason. Besides, I want to lose weight first. As a result, I dream about how I will change. But nothing in my life changes,” Alina admits.
“A year and a half ago, my wife and I started our own business and since then we have been working hard, we cannot afford to disconnect from business,” says Mikhail. “Even though everything is back on track, it still doesn’t seem like the best time to take a vacation. For the third year we promise ourselves a respite, but we keep postponing it.”
Elena says that she has always taken the birth of children seriously: “You need to be confident in your partner, get on your feet and not regret that you are missing something in life because of new worries. When I turned 38, I realized that you can put it off indefinitely.”
All these people have one thing in common: it seems to them that it’s worth waiting a little, and the X-hour will come — that is the right, best time for the fulfillment of the plan.
Why do we put off dreams for later?
Perfectionism
The desire to bring everything to perfection often interferes with us. We feel we are not competent enough to find a new job or start a business. The process of self-education can continue indefinitely, while in practice we could quickly fill in possible gaps.
Our dreams slip away just because we don’t believe in ourselves. Often this affects people from whom in childhood their parents demanded impeccable results. And now they are so afraid of failure that they prefer not to start anything at all.
Anxiety
Constant, sounding against the background of our consciousness, anxiety is holding us back from new steps. The usual course of things, as it seems, ensures safety.
As a rule, an anxious person is dependent on the attitudes of the environment, which, with their doubts and negativism, feed his fear: “Why do you need this new job / education / moving /? Ahead is one guaranteed hassle and very dubious bonuses.
In the end, it’s easier to convince yourself that it was not fear that won, but simply sober calculation.
What to do?
- Imagine we’re gone
“This technique is used in psychotherapeutic work and is designed to make a person feel the transience of life,” says psychologist Marina Myaus. — Try to imagine that you have only a period of time left to live, which you choose yourself. How would you like to spend it? If you are ready for this inner journey, then feeling the fragility and urgency of life, which does not forgive postponing for the future, can give you a new impetus to action.
- Accept (temporarily) the lack of pleasure
External actions can greatly change the internal mood. If you overpower yourself and take the very first step towards your plan, you gradually get pleasure from the process.
This happens when we start playing sports and do not believe that we will ever get a taste of it. However, over time, we get used to the loads and to the fact that thanks to them, emotional stress is removed. And now we ourselves are striving for physical activity.
As soon as you begin to act, the dream takes on a reality.
- visualize desire
“For this, it is useful to start a blog on a social network,” the expert believes. — And if you make access open, then your readers can become your motivators. Recording your daily steps and small successes will help reduce your anxiety—whether this decision will only make your life worse.
In addition, visualizing a task will allow you to move it from a vertical projection, where it seems distant and intimidating in its scale, to a horizontal one. You will begin to move towards the goal with daily and quite real steps. And your plan will seem quite feasible.