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Technology is models, methods and techniques that give the desired result. Different parents have their own vision of how it is possible and necessary to achieve what is needed from the child, the methods and techniques used largely depend on this vision. Unlike education, which forms the personality as a whole, management solves operational issues “here and now”.
Any technology is based on some vision of the nature of the child and the tasks of the parent. In the case of a negative worldview, this vision is embodied in the model «Garden with weeds», in the case of a positive one — «Gardener and Rose».
Garden with weeds
The Weed Garden model is based on the belief that a child should be treated like a neglected garden bed, finding and weeding out the weeds-deficiencies in his soul. Parents struggle with laziness and disorganization of children, trample down children’s aggressiveness and burn out children’s lies with a red-hot iron. The usual result: contact is broken, efficiency is low, little is achieved. Sukhomlinsky said that in this case, education goes «on the wrong path.» “Vices,” he wrote, “are eradicated by themselves, go away unnoticed by the child, and their destruction is not accompanied by any painful phenomena if they are replaced by a stormy growth of virtues.” The model is controversial, it is more productive to work on the positive, see →.
gardener and rose
In this model, the child is seen as a beautiful flower, which should be taken care of by a gardener. A good gardener must understand the nature of a flower, bush, or fruit tree in order to grow in it what its nature has in it↑. Here, in the child, the parents try to discern what the child’s inclinations are, and support him in his aspirations and undertakings. With this approach, the educational results are better than in the model of the «Garden with weeds», but the very metaphor of the seed from which the child’s personality unfolds seems to be controversial.
Impact target
Some of the parents consider it right to turn to feelings more often, someone to the mind, someone solves issues with training that works at the level of the body.
Training, or the «Carrot and stick» model
It seems that this is the most natural thing: to reward for a good deed, to punish, scold for a bad deed. In principle, this is reasonable, but there are also disadvantages: this system requires the constant presence of the educator, the “stick” destroys the contact between the child and the educator, and the “carrot” teaches the child not to do good without a reward …
Options: Bribery. «If you’re good, I’ll buy you ice cream.» In skillful hands, it evolves into the “Reward for Success” model. More often it ends with a pedagogical situation Little tyrant: “If you don’t buy me ice cream, I will behave badly!”
Another option: a short leash is a positive training that develops unconditional obedience. Lots of interesting tasks, simple instructions and immediately positive reinforcement.
The «carrot and stick» model is controversial if it turns out not to be auxiliary, but the main one. The work of education goes better if the method of rewards and punishments is supplemented by the method of negative and positive reinforcements, and preference is given to positive reinforcements and reinforcement not so much of desirable external actions as of desirable internal states and relationships. In any case, it is useful to remember that real education goes far beyond the best training↑.
Appeal to feelings
Appealing to feelings is more often a female strategy. Standard options are appeal to empathy (“Look how your sister is crying because of you!” or “Please don’t make mom angry”), distraction from unwanted things (“Look what a bird!) And attraction to desirable ones, as well as decision making on the basis of the feelings that the child demonstrates to the parents (Traffic Light model).
Look, your little sister is crying!
Much to the surprise of adults, and especially mothers, this appeal usually does not work at all on young children. However, if children get angry for a long time in such situations, they sooner or later understand what adults want from them, and begin to portray repentance. However, children love to copy adults, and if the mother is often upset, the children begin to repeat this after her. It’s hard to call it genuine empathy, but the road is being paved. Real empathy occurs in children no earlier than the age of seven, and here everything is very individual. If the children are very disposed to this, but there are not disposed to this in any way.
Please don’t piss off mom!
When the child does not obey, the mother begins to upset herself and show how bad she is from such behavior of the child. This model is very common, and is usually practiced among women. Her results? In young children, especially in girls, guilt, affection and obedience are successfully formed. Older children, and especially boys, are worse at this, they become irritated or indifferent to their mother’s feelings.
Look what a bird!
The child is looking for more and more attractive things around him, distracting from the unnecessary. He does not eat porridge — we will offer an apple. He does not want to do exercises in the morning, we will offer to go swimming with friends. Swimming did not go well — let’s try to interest in a beautiful game of tennis. Works well with young children. The older the children, the more likely it is to fail. As a rule, this path ends with the Bribery pattern.
In this model, parents in their actions are guided by the feelings and reactions of the child. A child’s feelings and reactions are the colors of a traffic light for a parent. When a child responds positively to the actions of the parents, rejoices in the actions of the parents, this is a green light for them, a signal to the parents: “Forward! You are doing everything right.» If a child reluctantly fulfills the parents’ requests, forgets, snaps, this is yellow for parents, a warning color: “Attention, be careful, something seems wrong! Think before you say or do! If the child is in protest, this is a red color for the parents, a signal: “Stop !!! Freeze! Not a step forward in this direction! Remember where and what you violated, correct it urgently and in an environmentally friendly way!
The model is controversial. The advantages of this model are sensitivity to feedback, the disadvantages are that it is easy to fall under the influence of a child. The child begins to control the parents, demonstrating to them one or another of his reactions …
Appeal to reason
Traffic rules.
In this model, it is assumed that the child behaves badly because he simply does not know or has forgotten the rules. And if you tell him the rules and he learns them, then he will do everything … And the parent explains everything, teaches, tells. It can be sad for children to listen to this, but they have to … Knowledge of how to behave is, of course, necessary, but knowledge alone without interest and training is dead. It is easy to make sure that children know all the main rules of behavior: “It’s not good to fight,” “It’s bad to lie,” “Things need to be put in their place,” but in a clash of reason and feelings, feelings often win in children, especially if the child does not understand the meaning of the rule: “ Why do you need to put things in some place if they lie so well? Children need to be accustomed to the rules, the rules should be simple and understandable, the rules should be interesting and beneficial for children, the rules should correspond to the age of the child ↑ … In total, if the “Rules of Movement” model turns out to be not auxiliary, but the main one, then this model is controversial.
Methods and techniques for managing a child
The methods and techniques of controlling a child are highly dependent on the controllability of the child, the views and motivation of the parents, and the requirements of a particular situation. In free education, the method of well-directed freedom is more often used, in disciplinary education — instructions and a system of reinforcements. See →