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Nobody’s perfect. The main thing is to understand how our behavior affects others. The real problems begin when we declare: this is the kind of person I am, I can’t do anything about it. Loved ones are especially sensitive to a few annoying habits.
1. You are fiercely defensive in response to any criticism.
There are people who take everything personally. Absolutely everything, even things that have nothing to do with them. For example, when a partner is cleaning the apartment, it seems to them that it is a hint that they have made a mess. Alas, such a reaction can destroy relationships.
Clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo believes that the roots of this behavior should be sought in childhood or in previous destructive relationships. Usually such people were severely criticized for any actions; no matter what they did, no matter how they behaved, it was not enough for the parents or partner.
And now, if their partner comments on something, voices an idea, thought or point of view, such a person perceives everything with hostility. Did you recognize yourself in the description? From now on, try to pause before you react. Breathe, count to 100, just don’t grab your weapon right away.
2. You don’t do anything around the house.
Perhaps you are one of those who scatter things around the house or hoard dirty dishes in the sink to the last. Maybe your partner doesn’t mind. Well, if so, otherwise problems may begin in the relationship.
When one in a couple feels that he is forced to “drag the whole life” on himself, family life can crack. With the advent of children, the situation is aggravated: time is running out, tension is growing.
It is likely that you simply do not notice that something is wrong at home (dirty, not cleaned, in the refrigerator with a rolling ball). In this case, Karen Nimmo advises asking your partner directly how much of the responsibilities you should take on and write yourself a list.
3. You are obsessed with your smartphone
Until recently, the most popular reasons for quarrels in couples were sex, money, children, and household chores. Now gadgets have been added to them. Many of us literally do not let go of our smartphone: they scroll through the social media feed, answer work messages, watch videos, chat with friends.
Ask yourself: when do you laugh more often – with a partner or alone, looking at the screen of your phone? If the second is a wake-up call (just sharing with your partner what made you laugh so much on your phone is not an option: he also has his own smartphone).
Agree on how much time each of you can spend on your phone, and put your gadgets aside by talking to each other. Otherwise, conflicts are inevitable.
4. You constantly complain about problems at work.
It seems that you have every reason: the blockage is unrealistic, colleagues are trying to throw off their duties on you, management does not appreciate it, they got calls on zoom … But you won’t help the cause with endless complaints, but only increase the level of stress, bringing it home, into relationships.
It is clear that you need the support of a partner, but you can get it in other ways, such as spending quality time with each other.
5. You get angry because you can’t control it.
This is not about suppressing anger – it is an important and necessary emotion, and you have every right to experience it. And the outgoing year gave many reasons to feel the whole gamut of negative feelings. But if you’re ranting furiously at an announcer, or feel like your blood pressure has skyrocketed after reading a newsfeed, slow down.
Ask yourself if you can change something right now. If yes, just do it. If not, don’t take your anger out. Direct energy in a positive direction, take care of mental health – yours and your partner’s.