After-baby: all the crazy things we’re going to experience with our perineum

Mother of three children (12 years old, 7 years old and 2 years old), our journalist Katrin Acou-Bouaziz shares her colorful daily life. In this column, she reveals to us with humor all that awaits us after childbirth … The perineum, do you know?

“You hear about it throughout pregnancy. “Be careful, not too many joggers, no abs, you have to protect your perineum! “Except that we are already unable to locate him during the childbirth preparation sessions.

So we touch everywhere, in front, behind, we put our legs in the air, we tighten, we loosen like that to see, and NOTHING happens. Just small leaks when sneezing or laughing, which vaguely stress us out.

Until the day after birth, when the midwife examining us, her hand wandering through our still fragile flower, asks us to contract to assess the extent of the damage. And that on a scale of 1 to 10, it is difficult to reach 2. But luckily, by coughing, our viscera do not descend too low. “We’re going to tighten it all up, don’t worry!” But not just any old way. This is usually where we have the right to horrible stories of women who lose their entrails by having crunches too quickly after childbirth. And that we find the necessary motivation to begin rehabilitation.

So it is difficult to fit sessions into our overloaded schedule, sessions during which, the midwife, always with her hand in our flower, asks us to think of castles that are closed with a grid. Down. Or a drawbridge. And sometimes even with butterflies that we suck in with the anus, or daisies that we close to protect ourselves from the rain. At the beginning, we make the effort, as a model student, we even bring the baby who chirps in a cozy next door. We do the rehabilitation exercises at home in the evening by peeling vegetables, and we also try the oil massages for the perineum, alone in our bathroom.

But after a few weeks at this rate, to lie down in this cabinet, the baby screaming every other time, and us, buttocks in the wind, staring into the eyes of this stranger who only speaks to us about our vagina and his progress in bodybuilding, we get discouraged.

Before realizing that there is really a problem because we no longer even feel when our guy is in the place. “Oh good, but did you start there?” “

The midwife then often offers us to supplement with an electrical probe rehabilitation. previously purchased at the pharmacy and lugged around in our handbag in a washcloth… It remains to understand all the exercises required in the “Super Mario of the perineum” mode and to train session after session to deliver the princess. Finally on the day of the balance sheet, it is we who are freed thanks to a score of 7 and a little lie “No, no, I no longer leak when I run …”. And the promise to continue floral visualizations and tummy tightening in all circumstances in Sissi Empress mode. What to chuckle inside, while freaking out about losing your intestine the next pregnancy. “

Katrin Acou-Bouaziz


Leave a Reply