Discovering the dizzying world of Instagram, Likee or TikTok, our 9- to 10-year-olds have no idea what social networks are preparing for their unstable self-esteem. The mildest of them is to run into an offensive comment. But the awe of the haters is not a reason to refuse communication. Communication specialists – journalist Nina Zvereva and writer Svetlana Ikonnikova – in the book “Star of Social Networks” tell how to properly respond to negative feedback. Posting a snippet.
“So you published your post. Posted a video. Now everyone sees it – with your avatar, with emoticons (or without them), with photos or pictures … And of course, every three minutes you look at the social network to see if there is a reaction? Like? A comment? And you see – yes, there is!
And at this point, your blogging career may collapse. Because even the person who knows how to make cool videos and write wonderful posts will not become a top blogger if he does not know how to properly respond to comments. And how should it be right?
What to do if the comments do not praise you?
make excuses? Or keep silent? Nobody knows the right answer. Because it doesn’t exist. And there is a dispute stretching for a hundred comments. What remains? Accept someone else’s opinion.
Once Voltaire said: “I do not agree with a single word of yours, but I am ready to die for your right to say what you think.” This is democracy, by the way. Therefore, if in the comments a person expresses an opinion that you do not share at all, tell him about it, argue with him, give your arguments. But don’t offend. He has the right to think so. You are different. All different.
And if he writes nasty things about me and my friends?
But here we are already operating on a different principle. But first, let’s make sure that this is really nasty, and not another point of view. Once upon a time there was a blogger Dasha. And she once wrote a post: “How tired I am of this mathematics! Lord, I can’t take it anymore. No, I’m ready to cram logarithms and wade through the discriminants. But I should at least understand why. I am a humanitarian. I’ll never need cubic equations in my life. Why?! Well, why do I spend a lot of my time and nerves on them? Why can’t I study oratory, psychology or history at this time – what I’m really interested in? What needs to happen for algebra and geometry to be made electives in high school?”
Negative comments quite logically rained down on Dasha. Read five of them and say: which of them, in your opinion, are written in essence, and which are just insults?
- “Yes, you just can’t get anything higher than the“ triple ”in algebra, so you’re furious!”
- “Oh, it’s immediately obvious – a blonde! You better post your photos, at least they have something to look at!
- “That’s bullshit! How can you live without mathematics?
- “Another victim of the exam!”
- “I strongly disagree! Mathematics develops logical thinking, and without it, a person lives almost like an amphibian, on the same instincts.
That’s right, insults are the first, second and fourth comments.
In them, the authors do not argue with the idea expressed by Dasha, but evaluate Dasha’s intellectual level. And they are highly critical. And here is the third comment … Why do you think it still cannot be attributed to insults (although I really want to)? Because the author of this comment does not evaluate Dasha, but the thought expressed by her. Of course, he does not know how to competently share his assessment, but at least he does not write that Dasha is stupid.
Note that this is a big difference. To tell a person that he is a fool, or to say that his idea is stupid. Fool is an insult. Stupid idea… well, we all say stupid things from time to time. Although it’s more correct to respond like this: “This idea seems stupid to me.” And explain why. Actually, this is exactly what the author of the fifth comment tried to do: he expressed disagreement with the idea (note that he did not evaluate Dasha in any way) and argued his position.
Of course, it is best to argue with those who know how to do it without hurting your personality. Perhaps you will lose this argument. But it will be just a dispute, not insults flying back and forth. But comments that are full of anger or mockery of you and your family can be safely deleted. You have every right not to turn your page into garbage. And of course, rid her of verbal dirt.
Where do they even come from, these haters?
The term “hater” does not need to be explained, right? We hope that these people did not come to your page, but be prepared: you can always meet a hater on a social network. Of course, the stars get the most from them. You open any photo of a star on Instagram and you will certainly find in the comments something like: “Yes, the years are already visible …” or “God, how could you wear such a dress on such a fat ass!” Note that we wrote very carefully – “fat ass.” Haters are not shy about their expressions. Who are these people? There are several options.
- Haters are people who are doing their job. For example, the Romashka company paid specially hired haters to write all sorts of nasty things in the comments on the posts of the Vasilek company. And they write passionately. As a result, people stop buying cornflowers from the Vasilek company and start buying chamomile from the Romashka company. mean? Certainly. Never do that.
- These are people who assert themselves at the expense of the stars. Well, when in real life, the quiet loser Vasya will meet with Miss World ?! Never. But he will come to her page on social networks and write: “Well, mug! And this one was called a beauty? Pfft, we have pigs and even more beautiful! Vasya’s self-esteem skyrocketed. But how – he expressed his “fi” to the beauty!
- These are people who love to see others suffer from their words. These people are not going to comment on Miss World posts. They will start methodically mocking those they know personally in social networks: students of their own school, “colleagues” in the sports section, neighbors … They enjoy feeling their power over the emotions of others. He wrote something nasty – and you see how a person blushes, turns pale, does not know what to say in response … And everyone has a chance to run into a hater of sample No. 3. You can just delete his offensive comments. And you can, if you feel the strength in yourself, fight back.
How to fight back a hater?
The most important thing here is not to respond in the manner that the hater suggests. What does he expect from you? Resentment, reciprocal insults, excuses. And any of your answers in this format will mean that you are following the hater, accepting the rules imposed by them. Get out of this plane! Tell the hater what he’s doing, make fun of the situation, or…completely agree with him.
Once the girl Ira wrote in a comment: “Well, where did you get into with such an immense ass?” “Well, you’re hating me now, and not speaking to the point,” Ira replied to the commentator. “Let’s get down to business or I’ll delete your comment.” No offense. No insults in return. Ira analyzed the hater’s comment and warned what she would do if this happened again.
And a couple of months later, to the comment: “Yes, you are generally mediocre!” – she wrote: “Well, everything, everything, I defeated the girl! I give up! – and put emoticons. Ira did not even think to enter into an argument. She joked in passing and thereby knocked the ground out from under the feet of the hater. And for the third time, to the same hater (the guy turned out to be stubborn), she wrote to an offensive comment about her intelligence: “Yeah, that’s right. Right to the point.”
“Yes, you can’t even quarrel!” – the hater responded with resentment and did not leave any comments on Ira’s page anymore. Just silently liked her photos. By the way, the story had a continuation. Once Ira began to troll another person. (Ira is a witty girl, so her blog quickly gained popularity. And where there is popularity, there are haters.)
So, that very first hater came to the defense of the girl with his chest. He fought off every attack of the alien troll. Ira read all this and smiled.
Nina Zvereva and Svetlana Ikonnikova talk about other rules of communication in social networks, about the art of publicly telling interesting stories and finding like-minded people in the book “Star of Social Networks. How to become a cool blogger” (Clever-Media-Group, 2020).