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We all know it’s okay to make mistakes. But feelings of guilt and shame gnaw at us, make us doubt ourselves, reproach ourselves again for what we have done or not done. Only now it doesn’t get any easier from this burden – neither to us, nor to the one whom we, for example, offended. That is why it is so important to admit, try to correct your mistakes if possible, and in any case forgive yourself for them.
1. Not lending a helping hand to those in need
Chances are you’ve offended someone at least once in your life, intentionally or not. Perhaps they offended by their inattention or did not come to the rescue, did not stand up for another person. It is unpleasant to realize this, and yet it is time to forgive yourself. Then you simply could not do otherwise – because you were scared, or shy, or what was happening took you by surprise, or you were afraid of the consequences.
We dare to argue with Marcus Aurelius, who believed that “injustice is not always associated with some kind of action, often it consists precisely in inaction”: if you do this all the time, yes, it’s really time to change, but if this happened to you only once, It’s time to stop beating yourself up.
2. Betrayed someone
William Blake wrote: “It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend,” but if, despite what you have done, a friend gives you a second chance, do not miss it. You’ve been punished enough by your own feelings of guilt and shame—don’t add fuel to the fire.
3. Trying too hard to “fix” what can’t be fixed.
We all at least from time to time try to “save” relationships – with a partner, relatives or friends. Because parting is scary, but being alone hurts? we have invested too much time, energy and effort into this relationship. Because it’s scary to admit that you made a mistake and entered into an unhealthy relationship.
And this is normal and understandable. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for wasting your time. Just next time try to remember this in time and not repeat the same mistakes.
4. They put health care on the back burner.
This is especially true for those whose priority is work. Being in love with your work and trying to devote as much time to it as possible is great, but balance is important in everything. Perhaps you did not comply with it, and the case ended, at best, with emotional burnout, at worst, with health problems.
Is it good? Of course not. Is it worth endlessly blaming yourself for letting yourself go like this? Also no. Just try to continue to be more attentive and careful to yourself.
5. Neglected loved ones
Marlene Dietrich said: “Real friends are those you can call at four in the morning.” Alas, often we devote more time not to them, but to those who are much less close and important – colleagues, friends and even casual acquaintances. And then, closer to the sunset of life, we are very sorry about it. And that they let go of those who should have been kept.
But regrets won’t help. Do not stir up this fire of guilt, but simply call or write to those who are important to you. Today now. Catch up before it’s too late.
About the Author: Karen Nimmo is a clinical psychologist.