“Everything will be fine!”, “Well, at least we have a job”, “It could be worse” … You may have heard something similar from colleagues or management. These phrases are supposed to support you, but in reality they are evidence of toxic positivity.
It would seem that what is wrong with calls to look at things positively? First of all, that in this way we are forced to suppress our true – in such situations negative – emotions, explains organizational psychologist Laura Gallagher: “When someone is sad, and we encourage him to remain optimistic, we thereby deny the interlocutor’s right to feelings, we broadcast to him: what he experiences is wrong. Naturally, in response, this causes only resistance.
If “toxic” positivity becomes part of the corporate culture, employees feel they are not entitled to share with colleagues and management what they really experience and think, and instead complain about the work situation to others: friends, family members.
“Confidence is undermined, employees put on masks, no one discusses the real state of affairs. This cannot but affect the results of the company, because everyone accumulates dissatisfaction and loses the ability to make optimal decisions, ”explains the author. Here’s how it usually goes.
1. You are urged to stay optimistic when you have every reason to be worried.
Gallagher recalls a client who was assigned the duties of a fired colleague at work in addition to her own. When the woman shared her experiences with the leader, she heard in response: “Well, well, look at the situation more positively.” Hearing something like this, we understand that our feelings are being devalued.
What should a leader do in such a situation? Actively listen to the subordinate, asking clarifying questions and trying to understand the essence (you can use phrases like “Do I understand correctly that …”, “It seems that …”), so that she gets the feeling that she is really heard, her experiences are important.
2. The future of the company is uncertain, but the boss reassures you that “everything will be fine”
Such behavior is a sign not only of toxic positivity, but also of inept leadership, incompetence of the leader, a sign that he or she avoids making decisions, does not care about achieving the goals of the companies and their team. Instead of giving employees false promises about their future in the midst of a crisis, it’s worth being as open as possible and detailing what is being done to support the team.
“Subordinates respect leaders for their frankness and openness, for the ability to honestly say: yes, the situation is far from ideal now, but everything is not hopeless; that’s what we’re going to do…” – says career coach Cynthia Pong.
If layoffs are unavoidable, do not reassure employees that they are not in danger. It is better to take specific actions to make it easier for them to find a new job, such as making promises and recommendations.
3. Management refuses to acknowledge the impact of COVID-19 on the company’s results
At the end of the year, many of you must have heard the following words from the leaders: 2020 was not easy, but we did well, we did it. Alas, the chances that this is true in your case are slim. Most likely, the pandemic and the global crisis hit your company hard – just like most businesses. And the leadership must find the strength to recognize this.
4. You were cut or cut your salary, but colleagues offer to look at it from the other side.
Millions of people around the world lost their jobs in 2020, but just because you are not alone in your misfortune does not mean that you have no right to grieve.
“People often say, ‘well, at least you have a roof over your head, severance pay, etc.’ and ‘could be worse,’ out of the best of intentions,” says psychologist and grief specialist Patrick O’Malley. “But the interlocutor understands that his feelings are not important and he has no right to experience them.”
What should be done? Listen more than talk, and of course not give advice unless asked for.